Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Thankfulness

Well, I am starting to try to be thankful. Changing from an "I deserve" to a "thankful" And I am thankful. I am thankful that I have a reason to be really, really tired... I have a family that loves me. I am blessed with four beautiful children. I get to spend all day with my children. I have a husband who works really hard. I have a house that I need to clean. I have legs that let me run. I can smell and taste coffee. And in the middle of a really, really sometimes overwhelming always crazy day that I may want to quit. Instead of feeling like I need to reward myself, I am going to work on being thankful for what I do have.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Contentment

I am determined to teach my kids contentment. But why is it so hard? Probably because they see the restlessness in my spirit. So, I guess I am starting with teaching myself contentment. I have always felt my husband and I live pretty simply. Given "pretty simple" does not even always allow for our bills to be paid, but I honestly do not sometimes know where to give up things. We have basic cable, and this is the first time in 10 years we have paid for cable. We have internet, but eveyone has internet. We have cell phones, but dont text on them or go online, it is a simple plan. We need air conditioning and heat. And lets face it when the baby has not slept through the night in forever and I was up til 2 in the morning and I have to face grocery shopping with all four kids, successfully homeschooling, make lunch, do laundry, figure out babysitting for tonight, etc. I do deserve a grande nonfat no whip mocha from Starbucks. That is not extravagant living, that is living with just needs. Right? I am kidding myself I know. I just read this book, Winter Garden, by Kristin Hannah. The book in part describes the life in Russia during Stalin's rule, and all I can say to myself is, "you have no idea how good you have it."
And then I hear the complaints from my children, always wanting there to be something fun about the day. "Can we have a special lunch?" "Are we getting donuts at the grocery store?" "Can we order pizza and watch a movie tonight?" "Can we have a picnic in front of the TV tonight?" "Can I just buy this little sticker book? PLEASE!!!" And not surprising most of these things come with the expectation that I will say Yes. Because I constantly am rewarding myself or giving myself treats. It is how I make it through my day. But what happened to hard work? Now I do work hard, but does that mean I should be rewarded for it, shouldn't I just work hard for the sake of working hard? Isn't that how I was created? To work? I am disturbed by my need to entertain, treat, reward myself for every one of my accomplishments. And I am more disturbed how I am passing this on to my children. So I am starting with myself. In giving up my "treats" and "rewards" for hard work. And trying to be thankful that I have work to do, that I have four children to care for and a house that needs cleaning.I am attempting to turn my "deserving" heart into a "thankful" heart in hopes that my children might see and maybe a change of heart as well.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Manic Monday

Mondays are crazy for every reason under the sun. But there has to be one, right? There has to be a day that starts the week, that changes how we were living in complete relaxing bliss to utter chaos. That is kind of how I look at Mondays. Sundays, we go to church and then watch football. I used to work on Sundays, but now I am home with my family. And it is complete bliss (that may be an overstatement) But it is nice.
And then all of a sudden out of nowhere comes Monday, I have to run, because if I don't run on Monday, I may not run all week. I will just keep telling myself, "I haven't run yet, why start now." So I go for my 4 mile run. Then I eat breakfast while nursing my two month old, try to get her down for an early morning nap to start homeschooling my 3rd grader and kindergartener while my two year old just throws things. That is not ALL he does, but it is what sticks out because I think it is so weird, why do you have to throw everything? Maybe it is because he is my only boy. Anyways, I try to keep him happy while working with my kindergartener on reading and my third grader on math, reading, spelling, etc. My third grader hates reading, and this is the first year I am starting to wonder if maybe she has some sort of reading disability, like dyslexia, so I am trying new reading exercises with her. And all I want is for them to be brave, wise, humble, intelligent members of society with a little bit of a sense of humor when they grow up, and that is what I am shooting for. But usually I settle for "made it through" members of society. The kind that just get by, because that is all I see. I dont want them to be just "made it through" but sometimes in the middle, maybe I can't really see the whole picture. And then today, BREAKTHROUGH and it even happened on a Monday. My third grader insisted on reading the entire first chapter of Genesis. And she did it beautifully. So I guess I am ready for Tuesday... well after visit with friends, gymnastics, meeting and planning for the rest of the week.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

If at First You Dont Succeed Try, Try Again...

...and then keep trying? Well that is what I am doing. I started this blog two years ago, and was completely unsuccessful, but despite my unsuccess, I feel the need to write. So I am back to try once again at the world of blogging. I have tried to write several blogs -- one blog on reading, a blog on writing, and a random blog. None of them have lasted more than a week. I lack commitment, of that I am certain.
So, I am trying again, with some consistency to write. I am trying because at some level, I NEED to write.