Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Snowball Fight

I haven't written on my blog in a while, and it is because I have been in the middle of a snowball fight. Well, that is what it seems like. It has been a couple of weeks full of out of the blue stinging snowballs flying at my face and I cannot seem to dodge them no matter what.

There are all these little things that keep happening, some not so little that come out of nowhere and hit me in the face, knocking me down. Sometimes it seems impossible to get up, sometimes I don't want to get up because I know another one is coming. I cannot seem to dodge them.

One more minor incident involved clipping my daughter's fingernails, which ended up with me clipping her actual finger, which led to three paper towels covered in blood flowing from her little finger for 20 minutes, a baby screaming and a mom crying. I had no car, four children, and, thankfully, some other moms to help me when I could not really think straight, and one mom to take us all to the doctor.

Just when I had dried my face, I found my five year old explaining to me that she was at a church group we attend during the week, and a little girl who was her friend told her they were no longer friends. My precious Karis, who you have to love if you know her, was not angry, just confused. In a sweet little voice she explained it to me, "Mom, I thought I had three friends, but she said we are not friends, so I guess I just have two." She said it with a twinge of disappointment, but mostly just confusion and matter of factness. She so wants friends, and really struggles making them. I think it might be that she is second and a girl and has always relied on her sister for friends. She kind of marches to the beat of her own drum, but I wanted to hold her and shield her from a snowball that stings when you learn that the world is not fair. Telling her she is precious and loving her was what I could do at that time.

Then, picking my family up again we were bombarded with snowballs. The kind that make you cry they sting so bad. I cant really go into the detail of two that have hit us hardest, well me the hardest, because I want to respect privacy, but they have left me wanting to cry and scream and throw snowballs back, but I have nowhere to throw them. And then I start to feel like it is my fault, maybe I deserved it, maybe I messed up somehow. I know in my heart it is not my fault, but when everything starts to crumble, when all you planned starts falling apart and on top of it you are being attacked, it makes it really hard to see reality. I am working on praying and seeing how God is going to work this out. And I am going to tuck my my family in tight and try keep them safe from this battle in which we seem stuck in the middle.

1 comment:

  1. My heart breaks for little Karis--we've had similar discussions with Maddie and I am always so affronted by those words "you can't be my friend" and am saddened by their presence on every playground (and church?!).

    I know the storm you are in is all too real and scary. I pray every day that justice will prevail and all will be made right.

    So, so sorry for all of it...