There are two questions we have been asked most frequently since we started this adoption journey. The first is more of a statement, that I take as a question,
"Well, there are so many kids in need right here and it is much more affordable, so if we decide to adopt, we will probably do it through the foster system."
I get this statement, because I have said it to many people before. I never in a million years thought we would adopt from overseas, if anything because of the cost of adopting from another country. And because I know, there are kids right here that need homes. I cannot explain then why Hamilton, why this little boy. But what I can say, is if you have ever had a moment when God is working, and you have to obey, then that is what this is.
Over and over, I have heard God say in His quiet voice,
"This is my child! He is MINE, he is precious, and I love him, and I am doing this." "This has nothing to do with you, I am going to do this, but I want you to do this with me." "Get on your knees and trust me, because this ONE is mine."
It is not about me.
It is not about my family.
This is about a little boy, that God loves, that this world could so easily forget because he is one of so many. It brings tears to my eyes, every time I think of how great His love is.
God cares for this little boy, He cares for all these kids waiting for homes, waiting for families, He is close to the brokenhearted. And He loves Hamilton.
It has been the reason I have not worried, when the money kind of stalls, because every time we have needed it, God has provided above and beyond.
This is His thing, not mine.
The other question,
"What are his special needs? Really? And you are okay with that? That maybe you will have to care for him for the rest of his life?"
Again, I totally get this question, and five years ago maybe I would have said no way. I have already committed my life to raising these blessings God has given me, and even made this crazy decision to homeschool them, but when they move out, I will finally have freedom!
But then I realized that my life is not any greater than this little boys, then any of these little children that did not choose a disability for life. I realize that I could have given birth to a child with any special need, and I would have never said, no, I do not want them, I may not want the disability or the difficulty but I would always want them. My life is not greater than his.
And this world is short, there is so much to look forward to beyond this life, this time here, now, it will be like a moment in my time of times, so if Hamilton needs a mom and dad to take care of him for the rest of his life, then it is what we do. I am sure it will be hard, but keeping my eyes set on eternity makes it doable, I think.
So, for everyone with those questions that is my "why" My why him, and why a child with special needs. I do not live in a dream world that this will be some amazing thing, but I do believe that this is a God thing and that this boy is His, that God has a plan for Hamilton, and if we can be part of that we are going to do it.