We have waited and waited until we could not wait any more. And then we waited longer. Our hearts grew weary and tired in the wait. And then yesterday we did not have to wait any longer. We got the okay to buy some plane tickets.
Adoption has proven to not be for the faint of heart as so many have said.
Everything about this process has been exhausting. It has completely broken me, I have realized I am horrible at waiting. I am horrible at the unknown. I am awful at giving up control. All are necessary for adoption. My friend described it like working with the DMV, only worse and then make that times two. Because every government has it's issues. And we are working with two. Everytime you think, "We are almost there!" Time stands still and THEN nothing happens and then maybe something does.
We are leaving in a week to go meet this little boy who has had my heart for over a year. It has not quite been a year since we started the process, and it will be over a year til it is all complete. This step. This HUGE step. This one that we have been waiting for is only that, a step. There are still many more. The country we are adopting from requires two trips. They are usually three to five months apart. So we are going, and then we will leave him there. I have heard it is about the hardest thing you could do.
This trip is the trip where there is a chance to change our minds. Where we can say "no." He does not know we are coming. He does not know who we are. And we will have a chance to say no, it is too much, we don't want him.
I am not sure what to expect. I know it is going to be hard, and I am a bit nervous. But nothing about motherhood has ever been predictable or easy. And I am one hundred percent sure this little man belongs with us. I am also one hundred percent sure that every day from now until he is grown, I will wonder if I am the best mom for him. Just like I have wondered each day with each of our four children. I am going into this already in love, sure that life is hard, surer that Hamilton is precious and more than anything he needs a family. And surer even more that Hamilton was created by God, and is treasured by his Heavenly Father.
Thank you for praying with us, thank you for your support in bringing this little guy home. We are getting closer. We can see the finish line.
But that is just the beginning of life. Of the everyday. And that is what I need to remember in the wait. That this year, these months, as frustrating and difficult as they are, are just that, months in years of life.
We appreciate your continued prayers as we are traveling; for our children that are staying in the states, that they will have peace and fun. That they will not be anxious or fearful. And for those dear people caring for our children that they will not be overwhelmed!
We have so much to be thankful for!