And then something happened. Today in the middle of a discouraging day, in a week that seemed harder than most. Today, I knew we might hear if we got this signature we are waiting for. Today, I heard, we did not.
Yesterday, I asked my case manager, "How do people go through this and stay sane?"
She said, "To be honest, most don't"
I laughed to myself and asked, "So, are you saying I am going to go insane?"
She said, "Yes, but it is temporaray."
I appreciated the honesty. I started giving fair warning, at any time, I might actually go insane.
Today I learned another family, that traveled after us, that got Article 5 after us got a court date. It does not make sense. And I find myself comparing, competing with others in this process, and it is wearisome.
And today, my friend, one I have not met, but have chatted with on line, shared with me that she passed court today. They went on the first trip the same time as us. They got the signature. They got the court date. They passed court and will be headed over in the next five weeks. We still wait. She understands the ache because before all of this, they planned initially to adopt two children, best friends. But very soon afterwards, after committing to this, their little girl passed away. They know the anxiety, the ache, the hurt, the hard wait. She said to me, "I do not understand why you have to still wait. But I know that it does not make sense, earthly sense, so there must be a spiritual battle being waged on these children." And it filled me with fight! Because she is right.
Our little boy, is so important to my Heavenly Father. He matters. He is part of a bigger plan. And because he matters to God, there is a battle being waged for him. For these children that the world does not see. They matter to God. And therefore, Satan is fighting for them as well!
Today has been full of heart ache, but also promise. Hope, something I have not had in a while. That all of this matters!
Psalm 71:14, "As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more."
I was also blessed to spend the afternoon with another mom who is adopting from the same country we are. She just got back from her first trip. They live in town with us. And we were able to talk about things that only people in the middle of this insane process understand. And my heart was encouraged.
There were other little things that gave me hope. Things I don't need to share, but things that I will hold onto. That I will share with our boy when he comes.
I am so thankful for the community of people we have been surrounded with and all of their prayers!