Now before you think I am one of those people that loves to throw myself a pity party full of chocolate and red wine-- which does sound good sometimes. I am thinking more along the lines of a sermon I heard a couple of weeks ago. At church one of the men was giving a sermon on-- actually I have no idea... sitting in church with a seven month old rarely allows me to hear a whole sermon. But one part did stick out. He talked about how we are so quick to hurry up to the blessing. To get to the good part. The, Romans 8:28 part, the "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." part. And we forget to wait in the sorrow part and let God minister to us there. There is something incredibly vulnerable about being completely out of control of a situation. Of sitting and crying out to God. I told my husband that I am a much better "Christian" when things are good. I LOVE to thank God for his goodness in my life. And I am really good at recognizing where all of it comes from. I am aware of my unworthiness and good at recognizing that all I have is from God. I can remember walking with my husband when we were newlyweds. We would walk for hours just thanking God for his goodness to us! But when things go wrong. I tend to "micro-manage." I do not wait on God. I do not take time to sit in His presence and be loved and held. So this week I am committed to sitting in sorrow-- not sorrow without hope. But sorrow. sitting and lamenting-- Sitting in the midst of our situation that is so much bigger than me-- and letting God take care of it.
This post was submitted to Things I Love Thursday at The Diaper Diaries
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
The Story of My Life
So, last night at midnight we were awoken to my little boy struggling to breathe and coughing like a seal. He often gets croup, but rarely does he sound like he can't breathe when he is not coughing. And he is crying hysterically. So I did what any normal mom would do, I wrapped him in a coat and headed outside since he is terrified of showers and I have heard crying can make it worse. He did not cry that I was bringing him outside, he just thought I was weird. He looked at me and said, "mom, can we go inside now?" So, we went inside, and tried the shower BUT he did panic hysterically. So, he decided to lay on the couch with his daddy for a while and calm down. We were trying to wait til morning to see if he got any better. We made it until 6a.m. with hourly checks to ensure he was still breathing. Then he came in my room still sounding like an old smoker. I decided we would make it to the walk in clinic at 7 to try to miss any busyness. I loaded up the car with my precious little boy, his blankie, monster guy and we started the 25 minute drive to the doctor. The whole time I am second guessing myself because he is starting to babble and talk with me and sounding a WHOLE lot better. We arrive at the doctor and the lady at the front desk starts asking me these really hard questions like, "When is your sons birthday?" and "What is your phone number?" On a normal day this would not be a problem for me, but being sleep deprived I honestly had no answers for her. It took me three tries to get his birthday right and I never did figure out my phone number. I had to ask her to look up my phone number on her computer. I had tried giving her my sister's number and my husbands, but my number was gone from my head. Once I got all that out and was completely embarrassed we sat for an hour and a half waiting for the doctor. At this point my son is RUNNING around the waiting room, and I am thinking why on earth did I bring him to the doctor in the first place. We finally get called in and are told, "Yep, sounds like croup. But he sounds fine now." "If it happens again, put him in the bathroom with steam" (I mention that my son is terrified of showers-- and the doctor just looks at me like I am crazy) and we are sent home. And my entire day is now thrown off.
So, tonight the plan is if he starts coughing to send him and his dad out for a McDonalds or Taco Bell run and some guy time at 1 in the morning, in hopes that the cold night air will clear him up and they can spend some time bonding.
And so it is, the story of my life... one thing after another, never going quite as planned, to make up the days of my life... But I wouldn't change it for the world!
So, tonight the plan is if he starts coughing to send him and his dad out for a McDonalds or Taco Bell run and some guy time at 1 in the morning, in hopes that the cold night air will clear him up and they can spend some time bonding.
And so it is, the story of my life... one thing after another, never going quite as planned, to make up the days of my life... But I wouldn't change it for the world!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Snowed In!
We got a lot of snow! I have shoveled for a total of 3 hours, and it is not done (the shoveling) but we are completely out of places to put our snow!!! Here are a few pictures!
our car
our driveway
our backyard
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Snowball Fight
I haven't written on my blog in a while, and it is because I have been in the middle of a snowball fight. Well, that is what it seems like. It has been a couple of weeks full of out of the blue stinging snowballs flying at my face and I cannot seem to dodge them no matter what.
Then, picking my family up again we were bombarded with snowballs. The kind that make you cry they sting so bad. I cant really go into the detail of two that have hit us hardest, well me the hardest, because I want to respect privacy, but they have left me wanting to cry and scream and throw snowballs back, but I have nowhere to throw them. And then I start to feel like it is my fault, maybe I deserved it, maybe I messed up somehow. I know in my heart it is not my fault, but when everything starts to crumble, when all you planned starts falling apart and on top of it you are being attacked, it makes it really hard to see reality. I am working on praying and seeing how God is going to work this out. And I am going to tuck my my family in tight and try keep them safe from this battle in which we seem stuck in the middle.
There are all these little things that keep happening, some not so little that come out of nowhere and hit me in the face, knocking me down. Sometimes it seems impossible to get up, sometimes I don't want to get up because I know another one is coming. I cannot seem to dodge them.
One more minor incident involved clipping my daughter's fingernails, which ended up with me clipping her actual finger, which led to three paper towels covered in blood flowing from her little finger for 20 minutes, a baby screaming and a mom crying. I had no car, four children, and, thankfully, some other moms to help me when I could not really think straight, and one mom to take us all to the doctor.
Just when I had dried my face, I found my five year old explaining to me that she was at a church group we attend during the week, and a little girl who was her friend told her they were no longer friends. My precious Karis, who you have to love if you know her, was not angry, just confused. In a sweet little voice she explained it to me, "Mom, I thought I had three friends, but she said we are not friends, so I guess I just have two." She said it with a twinge of disappointment, but mostly just confusion and matter of factness. She so wants friends, and really struggles making them. I think it might be that she is second and a girl and has always relied on her sister for friends. She kind of marches to the beat of her own drum, but I wanted to hold her and shield her from a snowball that stings when you learn that the world is not fair. Telling her she is precious and loving her was what I could do at that time.Then, picking my family up again we were bombarded with snowballs. The kind that make you cry they sting so bad. I cant really go into the detail of two that have hit us hardest, well me the hardest, because I want to respect privacy, but they have left me wanting to cry and scream and throw snowballs back, but I have nowhere to throw them. And then I start to feel like it is my fault, maybe I deserved it, maybe I messed up somehow. I know in my heart it is not my fault, but when everything starts to crumble, when all you planned starts falling apart and on top of it you are being attacked, it makes it really hard to see reality. I am working on praying and seeing how God is going to work this out. And I am going to tuck my my family in tight and try keep them safe from this battle in which we seem stuck in the middle.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Superhero Running
This morning I ran 7 miles. It is nothing remarkable in the world of running. BUT it was one of those runs that was so horrible, you hold onto it for weeks, and keep referring back to when you run and think, "man, at least this run wasn't as bad as that Saturday one." It is also one of those runs that you finish and you think, "I DID IT! and I DID NOT DIE" because that is all I was thinking during this run. My friend Tammy reminded me of the phrase several weeks ago, the one that says, "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. " Well, my mantra through the run this morning was, "I am not dead, I must be getting stronger!"
It wasn't an awful day, probably 20 degrees, which is warm in WI for winter, but the wind off Lake Michigan was brutal. And the icy slush puddles on the road were freezing. I wore running tights with regular work out pants over. My pants by mile 2 were dragging in the slush, I kept looking to see who was running so loud behind me, no one, it was me. So, I dropped back, I did not stop running, I just slowed down. And at mile 3.5 when it was time to turn around I announced I was taking my pants off. Which caused some alarm I think to the men running with us. One shouted, but there is a car coming! Thankful for the warning, but I was just taking off one layer. The group kept on ahead of me, and I stayed behind. I was still running, and I was going to finish this run. My lungs and legs were burning, there were several spots I could cut short, but I didn't I pushed on and finished my seven miles.
I can remember one day talking to a man named Chris about an upcoming race. I had said, I hope it doesn't rain. And he said, I kind of like it when it rains. Then I feel like superhero. And there is something to it. That race I was talking about that I didn't want it to rain. It did, it poured. It was freezing cold and raining for at least half of the race, I couldn't see to start the race the rain was coming down so hard. And I did kind of feel like a superhero. Maybe a crazy superhero. But one who runs no matter what. And that is kind of how I felt also after today's run. Although it was not any crazy weather, unless you are not from WI and running in 20 degree snow is crazy, which many might rightly argue. But this was the superhero running that fights past everything in your body telling you to stop and finishes! I am thankful for this mornings superhero run!
It wasn't an awful day, probably 20 degrees, which is warm in WI for winter, but the wind off Lake Michigan was brutal. And the icy slush puddles on the road were freezing. I wore running tights with regular work out pants over. My pants by mile 2 were dragging in the slush, I kept looking to see who was running so loud behind me, no one, it was me. So, I dropped back, I did not stop running, I just slowed down. And at mile 3.5 when it was time to turn around I announced I was taking my pants off. Which caused some alarm I think to the men running with us. One shouted, but there is a car coming! Thankful for the warning, but I was just taking off one layer. The group kept on ahead of me, and I stayed behind. I was still running, and I was going to finish this run. My lungs and legs were burning, there were several spots I could cut short, but I didn't I pushed on and finished my seven miles.
I can remember one day talking to a man named Chris about an upcoming race. I had said, I hope it doesn't rain. And he said, I kind of like it when it rains. Then I feel like superhero. And there is something to it. That race I was talking about that I didn't want it to rain. It did, it poured. It was freezing cold and raining for at least half of the race, I couldn't see to start the race the rain was coming down so hard. And I did kind of feel like a superhero. Maybe a crazy superhero. But one who runs no matter what. And that is kind of how I felt also after today's run. Although it was not any crazy weather, unless you are not from WI and running in 20 degree snow is crazy, which many might rightly argue. But this was the superhero running that fights past everything in your body telling you to stop and finishes! I am thankful for this mornings superhero run!
Friday, January 14, 2011
I Hate the Color Blue!!!
Perspective, it is something my children give me. One day, my daughter, who was five at the time, refused to listen to me when I asked her to help her sister. After finally obeying, she still had to serve her punishment, which was five minutes in timeout. She begrudgingly sat. However, she decided her timeout would take place in the comfy chair. I made her move to her plastic blue chair in the hallway for timeout, where she turned to screams of “I HATE THE COLOR BLUE!!!” I stood in the kitchen, laughing at my daughter and her irrational anger over the color blue, what I really wanted was her to be remorseful for not obeying her mother. Why is it that when we are in trouble we can find everything wrong to complain about? When the going gets tough the world starts to fall apart around us. We can find something wrong with everything. When my husband comes home late, I all of a sudden hate that we do not have money for the new shirt that I want. When I haven’t slept in days because my baby is confused about day and night, I suddenly hate mornings and nights and just about everything else. I become irrational about life. When things do not go the way I want, I get angry. Just like my 5 year old, I want to stomp my feet and scream and hate the color blue because life just is not fair. So today I need some perspective.
Life has been a little crazy around here. As you can see from above, I have lost a lot of perspective. I am exhausted, overwhelmed and trying really hard to just keep it all together. Keeping my mouth shut as much as possible and praying even more. But, in the midst of chaos, I am thankful for the constants. And my favorite things are the things out of the mouths of my children. They are little treasures that make it all worthwhile and OK--when everything else does not seem to be. So... some perspective
David (3) told me the other day after his nap, “Mom, Jesus loves my heart!” I said, yes he does buddy, but why are you telling me that, where did you get that from. He said, “God just told me that!”
Karis (5) while watching a TV show, “that child is very impressive.” I love to see my children excited and impressed by others—not envious, but encouraged.
Karis (when she was 2!) Told me that she missed Jesus, I asked what she meant, she said, “I miss Him, sometimes he carries me mom.” Really? He carries you? And she responded, “Yes, he does carry me.” All I could think of was, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”Matthew 11:28-30
Anya (8) She is a girl of few words, but my favorite thing about her is her heart – she wears it on her sleeve and often in her eyes that fill with tears so easily. My favorite thing she has EVER said was when she was three “That is just the way God made me!” when told by a neighbor that her butt had a crack in it.– it was said as only a 3 year old can say with a certain conviction of true identity.
Life has been a little crazy around here. As you can see from above, I have lost a lot of perspective. I am exhausted, overwhelmed and trying really hard to just keep it all together. Keeping my mouth shut as much as possible and praying even more. But, in the midst of chaos, I am thankful for the constants. And my favorite things are the things out of the mouths of my children. They are little treasures that make it all worthwhile and OK--when everything else does not seem to be. So... some perspective
David (3) told me the other day after his nap, “Mom, Jesus loves my heart!” I said, yes he does buddy, but why are you telling me that, where did you get that from. He said, “God just told me that!”
Karis (5) while watching a TV show, “that child is very impressive.” I love to see my children excited and impressed by others—not envious, but encouraged.
Karis (when she was 2!) Told me that she missed Jesus, I asked what she meant, she said, “I miss Him, sometimes he carries me mom.” Really? He carries you? And she responded, “Yes, he does carry me.” All I could think of was, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”Matthew 11:28-30
Anya (8) She is a girl of few words, but my favorite thing about her is her heart – she wears it on her sleeve and often in her eyes that fill with tears so easily. My favorite thing she has EVER said was when she was three “That is just the way God made me!” when told by a neighbor that her butt had a crack in it.– it was said as only a 3 year old can say with a certain conviction of true identity.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Monday
It is a Monday, that is all I have to say. I could not really imagine a worse day. Woke up, ran, made breakfast, (none of that was really all that bad) BUT then my potty training woes kicked in. I do not let my three year old wear a pull up unless we are going somewhere or he is sleeping. So I took of his pull up this morning (and for the most part we have success). NOT this morning. Within minutes he peed all down the front of his pants. He was so remorseful. I SO SO SO sorry mommy I will never pee in my pants again. I love you so much! My anger quickly dissapated. And 5 minutes later. MOMMY I AM POOPING IN MY PANTS! Tears start flowing. And not just his! WHAT? What happened to the remorse from 5 minutes ago? So, he had to take a shower, which he HATES and he screamed at me the whole time. But he survived. And then the worst happened. I was taking his pants downstairs to be washed and somehow I did not realize there was poop in them? So, all of a sudden I hear a THUD as this poop hits the floor and then the dog comes out of nowhere and EATS IT! I am now hyperventilating with my head between my legs because I think I am going to throw up and my nine year old is crying because I am scaring her and my 5 year old is hiding and my little boy is still naked from his shower, shivering in a towel.
Thankfully after it all got cleaned up and everyone was dressed, I was able to give my sister a call for a very needed grown up talk. In which she informed me, "at least my son did not poop on the babies face on purpose"which is apparently what happened to one of her friends. AND yes thank you for that perspective. But I am ready for Tuesday and it is just barey 10 a.m.
Thankfully after it all got cleaned up and everyone was dressed, I was able to give my sister a call for a very needed grown up talk. In which she informed me, "at least my son did not poop on the babies face on purpose"which is apparently what happened to one of her friends. AND yes thank you for that perspective. But I am ready for Tuesday and it is just barey 10 a.m.
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