31 Days of "Things I have Learned from my Children..." To dream and live dreams

I spend hours with these children each day, and it is a gift, to see their strengths and weaknesses and joys and frustrations. It is encouraging and challenging to see how each child has been made, uniquely made. And it is a responsibility to see these children with the eyes of Jesus, and try to guide them to be the big people one day that God has called them to be.

It is a gift and a fear.

As I have struggled for years to figure that out, floundering. Bearing this weight of wanting to be someone they want to be like. With three girls I have fought how to be a woman they can admire. I want them to want to be like me, but I want to be someone worth being.

So I wrestle with living dreams and doing things that I have always wanted with fear of falling on my face in front of my children, but also fearful of not doing anything worth striving for.

So I dream and do things I love. I do things that make me, ME. I read and spend time in God's word. I experiment with cooking. I run. And I write.

I started running races when my son was just a couple of months old, and I did not win, but I became stronger. And my girls ran a race with me. They have goals of maybe running as far as mom when they are a little older, and maybe faster.

And, I went to a writer's conference four years ago, with the hope of making my dream of writing come true. It was a pretty awful experience. I am not going to say the conference because I still have mixed feelings about the conference itself, but overall I was told, "You will fail" and be told "No." They are right, to tell you that, but they also said that no one cares who you are until you are someone. I get the point, but it was frustrating. So I swept that one under the rug, but now four years later, it is coming back up. And I have started to write again. I know that if I ever step out a little more bravely from behind this blog I will fail, many times, but it is possible I may actually succeed a little. So it is worth it. To live a dream and have my children see that falling flat is part of life, but so is getting up and dusting myself off and stepping forward. And as I write I have a little girl who is starting to write and dream her dreams. She has written letters to several authors and they have written her back. She even read one of her stories to a group of peers. It was my favorite story of hers, and someone said it was "dramatic." She never wants to write again. But I need her to see that is part of life. People will give criticism, sometimes it is right and sometimes it is not. It is important to make you want to try harder, not to give up.

I am learning to live dreams and have dreams, to be willing to fall on my face and get up and dust off and keep going, for the sake of my children.

31 Days of "Things I Have Learned from my Children..." Selflessly Celebrating!

"It is NOT fair!"
"They always get to do the fun thing." "So, can we watch a movie and eat chocolate and drink lemonade?!"
"They got to go to a water park and sleepover, and I only got my hair cut and ear's pierced!"
"SHE got her hair cut and ear's pierced and I only got to go to a water park!"
"IT IS NOT FAIR!"

I want to just say, "Life is not fair." And usually that is what I say, because if we face it, life is not fair. And I finish with, "If we want to start comparing life stories, you need to watch out, because mommy will tell you what is not fair."

But this is a deeper issue. It is more than just not fair. It is unkind, not that they get to do it, but that their family will not celebrate with them.

I have been there many times in my life, when some person suddenly is successful at something I have tried for so long to be good at; OR usually something I have not really tried that hard to be good at, but just wanted to be good at. I fester and grow angry with that person, and life and all its unfairness. Because it is not FAIR. But life is not fair. And it is a deeper issue. I am being unkind. Because I am to love God and love my neighbor as myself. Those are the commandments I am told to obey. The first and second greatest ones. And here I am in my sin, angry at this person. I should be celebrating with them; I should be praying for them.

It is like a magnifying glass when I see it in my children. This is me, pointing out a speck in my children's eyes when there is a log in my own eye.

I want my children to be excited when one wins a race, or gets to go on a special trip. Because is it not more fun to actually celebrate with someone? When something good happens, how much greater is it to celebrate with someone who we know will rejoice with us? How much greater is someone who says, "That sounds like so much fun! I cannot wait to hear about it!" Or, "I am so proud of you, you deserve it after all your work!" It is so much better than someone who says, "That is not fair! Why do you always get the good things!" And starts complaining and comparing, rather than rejoicing.

I am thankful for friends in my kids lives that do this with them, that set an example for them and for me of what a genuine friend looks like - one that is loving their neighbor as themselves; a friend who offer to secretly let my daughter use her American Girl doll and pretend it is her and promises not to tell anyone that it is not; friends who genuinely pray for them and ask how they are doing; friends who want the best for us. Those friends are so rare and so unlike what the world wants us to be. It looks so odd but so beautiful in a world that is all about itself.

I am learning with my children to celebrate each other and with each other. I am learning to look different than what the world wants and to love our neighbors as ourselves. I am learning to selflessly celebrating!

31 Days of "Things I Have Learned from my Children.." Look

This post is written for Five Minute Fridays over at Lisa Jo Baker's blog. 

The rules are you get the word from her blog then write without editing(this is REALLY hard for me) for five minutes then stop and hit publish. Then you link up...

and then you go and absolutely comment on the post before yours.

So the word this week is ...

Look

Start

She is smiling from ear to ear all decked out in her fancy pants and shirt, her purple fuzzy boots her hair done in cute pig tails and nails freshly painted by her sister. She does not even have to say it, she wants me to look, to see her.

And I do, I look and I see her, but I see past all the cuteness to a little girl who longs to be noticed by someone. And I am happy to fawn over her, but also worried about what lies ahead for all my girls who want someone to look, but more for someone to see them, to notice them.

And is not that what we want in life, from people, to be seen? And yet each day I drive by people in need, people wearing their purple boots and perfectly picked outfit in hopes that someone will notice, will see them.  But I do not I am so caught up in my world.

Sometimes I do not want to look because they are not wearing really cute boots, and I am afraid they will think I am staring or being rude, but am I seeing them? I look away because I am ashamed and unsure what to do.

They need me to notice though, to see them and acknowledge them. AND to look at them as more than a need or cute boots, but as a precious child created in the image of God.

Stop

31 Days of "Things I have Learned from my Children..." Pray

"Pray! Mommy, Please Pray!" She screams at the top of her lungs. We have stopped for a bathroom break at a gas station in a tiny bathroom where she is screaming. And I am trying to not scream back, unsuccessfully, "Just go to the bathroom! You just HAVE to go! We still have an hour til we get there! You have to go!" But to this little girl there was nothing more frightening than an automatic flushing toilet. And here in this bathroom she is screaming, "Mommy pray!" Because at two, she knew, with childlike faith that the only way out of this situation was prayer.

And every night we pray and after we pray they come again for more prayers. "Please pray that I not be scared." And we do, we pray, and sometimes I think it is silly to pray the same thing every night, knowing that they are fine, but I do it. And I am reminded of my need to pray, to keep asking. So I pray for them to not be scared, for their safety and their bravery.

We have prayed together for a job and a house; for friends and provision. And God has answered.

And we rejoice when God answers.

We have prayed for friends in need and friends who are sick and friends who need jobs. And we wait. Because for now that is what we need to do.

And, we keep seeking God.

We pray for our daily bread and God's continued provision. We pray with out ceasing for mercy and grace, words whispered when we have nothing left to say on our own, "Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy on me."

And we pray, prayer is something we do as a family.

31 Days of "Things I have Learned from my Children..."Joy overflows

Joy is obvious. Joy overflows.

This suffering, this time for me, is like a hill that does not end, the kind that might not be so severe it makes it hard to breathe but the kind that wears me out because I have been enduring for so long and do not see an end in sight.

And then, every once in a while, right in the middle of suffering, a blessing comes. The suffering does not end, but right where I least expect it, blessing.

I am reminded that all blessings are from above. So often, though, I attribute that to something I did, something I deserve. But that is wrong. Blessings are all from God.

James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

And every once in a while He has one just for me, and I cannot help but laugh because joy overflows. God met me so personally, met me so obviously, met a need I had that I wanted to shout from the rooftops, "How GREAT is my God!" Joy was obvious, so obvious that my children noticed. They comment on their mom who is in such a good mood. And the joy overflow flows to them. They change too.

And we are reminded of our blessings, our things to be thankful for, our list of counting blessings:

41. personal blessings from my Father above;
42. the chance to share joy with my family;
43. the chance to share suffering with my family;

44. praying through joy and suffering with my family;
45. running partners that laugh with me;
46. running partners that listen to me when I need to just keep talking;
47. deer that meet us early in the morning for our runs, just so we get a chance to see God's beautiful creation in the stillness of dark;
48. the excitement of starting a new book;
49. the joy of listening to one of my children tell me about the adventure in their book;
50. watching my son practice his drawing, so he can grow up to be an artist like his daddy one day.

31 Days of "Things I Have Learned from my Children..."Thankfulness

"Mom - mom - MOM!" She whispers it not-so-quietly. I roll over to check the time. It reads 1:00 a.m.
"What?" I ask in a haze.
"I just wanted to thank you for helping me when I was scared last night, and to let you know you were right." She whispers. "Good night, mommy!"

"MOM!" She whispers again not-so-quietly. Again, I check the clock. It is now just after three in the morning.
"What?!" I whisper again, a bit annoyed because her baby sister is now sleeping next to me.
"I just wanted to let you know that I am so thankful for you helping me last night when I was scared. Good night!"
"Good night!" I whisper back.

How can I possibly be upset with this little girl who is so thankful for a mom who prays with her and lays with her when she is scared, a mom who lets her know it is going to be okay. I think I got a little short tempered as we were facing storms, which I am terrified of, and the baby was up, refusing to sleep. She kept saying she wanted to be helpful, but was just really scared. I kept praying for her. She then got concerned about throwing up, and I decided to head that off by offering her five dollars if she did actually throw up. That way, it was a win-win. If she did throw up, she got five dollars; if not, she was fine. And it seemed to work. The baby settled; we cuddled up in her bed; and she fell asleep, safe and sound.

And somehow in that, in the chaos of a night, I had comforted her in a very imperfect way. AND she was thankful.

How much more then does my Heavenly Father provide comfort for me? Do I wake up to praise Him in the middle of the night when I think of his provision, his mercy, his grace, his comfort? Oh, what a blessing it is to be reminded to be thankful.

SO, my list continues, my list of thankfulness:
31. God's provision, when I have no idea how it will work out;
32. Words of comfort;
33. children's laughter;
34. God's promises;
35. Being woken up to a child who is THANKFUL;
36. New friends who make amazing cake, and celebrate with me;
37. Facebook that reminds me I have lots of friends and they make me feel loved on my birthday;
38. A husband who gives me a day just to myself;
39. A husband whose favorite thing is making me laugh;
40. new friends who learn with my children.

31 Days of "Things I have Learned from my Children..." I am Loved

Today is my birthday

I got to spend the day drinking coffee, reading, shopping and getting my hair cut.

After a greeting of cards...

and I am LOVED by the loves of  my life!