A Little more About a Fundraiser...

I am trying to make this month not just about our adoption, but adoption in general. HOWEVER, we are in the process, so I thought I would just plug one of our fundraisers a little bit more!

I am training for a marathon. This will be my first. I decided to try the Hansen Method, which is where you run a lot of miles on really tired legs. However, the long run never goes past 16 miles. Psychologically this is hard for me. I really think I need a twenty miler to make it. SO, I tried last Friday to make it twenty miles. I died about mile 17.8. I still was a long ways to my car, but had to walk the remaining distance. Every inch of my body hurt. I felt like I would never walk again. I got home and collapsed. I slept for hours, and was in pain all day. I honestly have no idea what happened. I had run seventeen the week before and then gone on to play kickball and take all four kids shopping for the day. Now the feeling like dying thing sounds more normal to me than the other. But I was ready for the other. I had run 16 miles several times before and felt okay all day too. Tired, but okay. And the 17.8 killed me. I took two days off and made myself get up and run today. It was "just" 10 miles. I was terrified. But it was amazing! And I have had to tell myself that for whatever reason I just had a bad run, and everyone has a bad run. And I am running for Hamilton. It is what I tell myself on that bad run, and it is what I tell myself when I really am scared to get up and run again.

So I am running because it is one thing I can do. We are fortunate to be able to have people donate to our Adopt Together fund, which allows them to get a tax deductible donation.

And there are others running. It has been a blessing for me, because I am part of a running community, my friends, most of them run. And my sister runs. She is running a race in two weeks. She decided to run for Hamilton too! If you donate to sponsor her, it is the same place, you just leave a note with her name, and I have another friend thinking about running for Hamilton too. I am wearing a t-shirt for Hamilton during the race with all those who have sponsored my run to bring him home in the past month and leading up to this race on the 27th of October. If you are interested in supporting us to bring Hamilton home by sponsoring me to run this race, we would be thrilled! AND if you are running or race or thinking about running a race and want to run for Hamilton, and help raise some money, I would love to talk to you about how others are doing this! You can donate at our Adopt Together fund, anyone who give here or just on the donate button on this blog in the past month or over the next couple of weeks, I will be putting on the shirt! Thank you for your support in advance!

A Little Bit of the Process...

When you step into adoption, it is kind of like you need a dictionary to carry on the journey or a tour guide to walk you through the process. So I thought I would just walk through some of the basics, some of the terms that you will hear. And if you have friends adopting, it might help have some idea of what they are doing. And this is a very amature review of our adoption process. Each agency and country is different and things change all the time. This is meant to just give you an idea of the steps and some of the language used in adoption. It is really our experience, I am sure there are lots of things different or that I might be missing!

The first step is identifying an adoption agency. There are loads out there. I do not know anything about any of them.  There are lots of ways about going about adoption, so that is probably the first decision to make. Am I going to adopt internationally or domestically? Am I going to foster children and see if it leads to adoption? Am I going to open my home to foster children without a plan of adoption? There are all sorts of decisions to make at the beginning. Once you know what kind of adoption you are going to pursue, or non-adoption/fostering, then you can pick an agency. It is probably a good idea to do some research. OR you can go the other route, the one we did. You fall madly in love with a child, and then just go with the agency they are matched with. I think it works this way in other countries, but in the one we are working with, the children who are waiting are divided among different foundations. These foundations then work with different agencies to advocate to find homes for these children. Every once in a while the children are moved to different foundations so that other individuals will have a chance to see them if they are with different U.S. agencies. And if a child is seen on a network as "waiting" they can request that the child be moved to a certain foundation so they can adopt them. Lost yet? Well, we were really blessed to have our agency be a really great one. We did  not do any research. But I could not ask for a better case worker. However, she lives in a completely different state. Which means for the next step, Home Study, we needed a different agency. (just for home study, we could still use our agency for the adoption)

When we first told our agency that we wanted to adopt "Hamilton," we had to fill our paperwork to put him on "hold." Which seems weird, but it said, we want him, and we tell the country we are adopting from that he is who we want. And they gave us six months to get the paperwork complete.

We got fingerprints. And sent them off to the U.S. government to have them "apostilled." Apostilled, means having papers extra officiated. That is my definition. But basically it is saying, "these are real." Our fingerprints had to be apostilled at the federal level.

We requested birth certificates and our marriage certificate. And they had to be apostilled in the state they were issued.  So the state goverment gave their official word that everything was real.

Our agency had a list of agencies they had worked with in our state successfully for home studies. So we went with them on this. The home study consists of four visits. But starts with an insane amount of paper work. The paperwork consisted of thirty pages each of our life stories. We had letters of recommendation written. And we had background checks done. We also had doctors visits done, blood work done to ensure we were healthy and more paperwork for agencies. The home study visits started once we had our paperwork complete. The first visit was a joint visit with Nathan and I. Then I met one on one with our caseworker, then Nathan met one on one. Then she visited our home and met with our children and made sure we had a place for Hamilton. I was really concerned about this and ran out of time to mow the lawn and my friend reassured me that if she says that your home is not fit for him because the lawn is not mowed than there is something wrong. It gave me some peace.

Then we waited for it to be written. Once it was written, and reviewed and fixed. We had all our documents notarized, this is done at bank or by anyone who is a notary. We learned the importance of wording after all our documents were notarized: passport copies, medical reports, home study, hold paperwork, other random paper work from our adoption agency; and it was sent off to be apostilled at the state level. It was all returned because we were missing a statement saying it was a true document and what county it was notaraized in. We had to redo all of our notarizing and send it back for apostille.

Once we had our homestudy complete we also sent off our paperwork for our I800A. This is a federal piece of paperwork that requests that we can adopt a child or two. This paperwork goes through the US immigration department and requires a copy of our homestudy and biometrics fingerprinting. Biometrics fingerprinting are done in certain cities in each state and done by appointment, electronically.

Once ALL this paperwork is complete you have a complete dossier! And you are so relieved to have gotten so far. The dossier is sent to the country you are adopting from.The dossier is then translated by the foundation your child is matched with. In the country we are adopting from, the translated dossier then goes to an International Adoption Committee that gives a verbal referral. If you do not have a child you are matched with, I am not certain what happens next. But for those matched this verbal referral is then made a written referral and translated. The referral is then given to the adoption agency and the family is notified. The family is then given dates they can travel. Often this is just a couple of weeks later.

Before we go we have to fill our paperwork for an I800, this petitions to classify a convention adoptee as a family relative.

Then all countries are different and there are probably different steps. In our country, the one we are adopting from we have to take two trips. In some countries it is just one. In the country we are adopting. We go for 7 days. Half way through we have the chance to say we are really committed. Then we take this child to apply for a Visa. We come home. And we wait for I800 to be approved and if it is and the child is found legal to immigrate to the U.S. an Article 5 is issued. And we have to get fingerprints done again and another doctor's note stating we are healthy. Then our case is seen before the court and then we get to go again. It is usually three to five months after our first visit . Then WE BRING HIM HOME!

My favorite blogs on adoption...

One of the things I love is reading the stories of those who are adopting or have adopted or who advocate for orphans! There are some real heroes out there for the orphan. These are some of my favorite blogs about adoption. Some I have just recently stumbled upon, some moved us to take the first steps of adoption, and some are friends who are walking the journey of adoption!

1. THIS is the newest blog I have come across... it is beautiful, the story, the pictures, the heart

2. This WOMAN just amazes me!

3. A family with an amazing heart and courage!

4. A family starting their second adoption, a FAMILY I love!

5. This is the blog that started it for me, that got my heart stirred enough to take the first step of faith...

6. You have probably read her, and she writes on more than just adoption, but she is an amazing writer and LOTS OF FUN!

Fundraising and Adoption

There are quite a few ways to fund an adoption. One of the most popular is fundraising. Fundraising is a hard thing. Some people will say, it is worth doing, others (usually those not adopting) will say that you should not fundraise for adoption. "If you do not have the money to pay for adoption, than you should just not adopt." The thing is I really know hardly anyone who has $35,000 extra, just sitting in their bank account. And if they do then by all means ADOPT! There is a REALLY good blog post on this, at Embracing the Odyssey.

I have personally found fundraising stressful. Partly because with adoption, nothing is guaranteed, and most people are not able to make tax deductible donations, which makes it sometimes stressful when asking or explaining fundraising. There are lots of really good ideas though, I have read a lot on fundraising and there are so many good ideas! I wanted to make just a starter list for those looking for ideas. The other thing to remember in fundraising, is that every dollar counts. Five dollars really does make a difference because if twenty people give five dollars, you have a hundred dollars which is what we would need to pay for our little boys medical visit for Visa. Every dollar counts! So here is a list of ideas....

Auction (a friend of ours auctioned off jewelry, or you could auction off art, or baskets for presents. people are sometimes willing to give a "something" to auction because it is what they have, and it can grow their business)
Bake sale ( you could do this before or after church for a few weeks)
Birthday Party (a friend of mine did this on her adoptive son's birthday, the hope is for the next party he will be here, but for this year, they threw him a party fundraising for his adoption, great idea!!!)
Make something and sell it! (A woman in our adoption group makes "Owls for Orphans" She used it to help fund her adoption and now helps other adoptions with her sales) If you have a craft or trade, sell it. There is a spot on etsy for adoption fundraisers!
Make a signature quilt or puzzle. Each person who gives so much gets their name on a quilt or helps complete the puzzle piece. We are doing the signature quilt throughout this adoption process. Anyone who gives $10 or more, we will sign their name on the quilt that we are making for Hamilton. I am so excited to give it to him to let him know how many people worked together to bring him home!
Have a Drawing. Set a goal and when you get to that goal draw for a prize. I have seen this a lot lately, for example, set a goal of $1000, once you get to that goal you randomly draw a name of all the people who donated and they receive a prize. There have been some pretty great prizes, like a kindle or a $100 amazon gift card.
Host a Dinner or Party- Have a dinner or party, sell tickets, make the food yourself to offset costs. I have heard several of these have been quite successful!
Run a Race- This is another one I am doing. It is one of the things I can do, is run. So for each person that donates to our adoption in the weeks leading up to the adoption, I am going to run with their names on a shirt that I wear that says, "Bringing Hamilton Home" You could run a race or run as a team, or if you are really ambitious design a race, that the race entry fees go to funraising.

This is a short list of fundraisers. There are lots more lists out there. I would love to add to THIS list! If you have any ideas, leave a comment!

The hardest part... is the waiting

The hardest part... is the waiting.

My heart weighs heavy knowing there is nothing more I can do.

We have applied for grants, all our paperwork is overseas, and we are waiting.

We are in a stage of this adoption that is just waiting. Waiting for grants, to see if we get them, waiting for a referral and a signature. There is a possibility that the committee that give referrals will meet every week this month. There is a possiblity that they will review our dossier. There is a possiblity that they will not. That we will still wait.

I clean the bathroom and tears fill my eyes because there is a child on the other side of the world I am waiting for. He is not waiting for me, he does not even know I exist. But how can bathrooms HAVE to be cleaned and dishes HAVE to be done and laundry HAVE to be put away? How can it all still have to go on while I am waiting?

I am sure in any moment of wait this is how we all feel.

And sometimes the waiting is honestly paralyzing. Because I really do not want to do anything but wait. So I sit and dream and pray for this little boy.

And in the waiting and after the waiting, I want to be a voice for this children that deserve so much more. Who are valuable just because they are created by God, their lives matter just as much as any of ours.

A voice for a little girl who sits in an orphanage, blind, cast off because all that is seen is that she cannot see. She is, "not able to learn" not even given a chance, because she cannot see. A voice for a little girl that twice has had families commit, and then for a little boy in who needs heart surgery, his country cannot provide it and his life is on the line. A voice for a twelve year old boy with spina bifida that asks for a family, but may never find one. And a little girl that twice had families committed, that were not able to complete the adoption. She has spina bifida and is really smart her report says. She is five. All of these are real children, in different countries around the world. And they wait too. They are waiting for families. And they are the ones that might wait longer because they have special needs and are older.

If you are thinking about adoption or want information on any of these children or others waiting, let me know, I will be so happy to connect you with our case worker who can give more information.

And I continue to wait. There are definitely some things worth waiting for!

Why Adopt Internationally...

I have heard a lot lately about intenational adoption, not being a good thing. How we are really encouraging an industry, because there is money to be made in children. I have heard that there are plenty of children here that need homes, why not adopt domestically.

I think some of those people are right. Unfortunately, people do see money in adoption, and maybe it is happening. Maybe people are giving up their children because they want them to have a better life, or they cannot care for them. Maybe, definitely, there needs to be something done. We need to make resources available to people to make giving their children up not a real option. We need to educate them, that just because a child has a special need, does not mean they cannot raise them. And can I just say, does it not happen here? In this country, people give up their babies because they do not feel like they can care for them. I have a friend, who's child is the fourth child of a woman. She kept the first three and gave up her fourth for adoption. As heartbreaking as that is, she did it so her child would have a better life, and she is with an amazing family. There are moms in this country that feel unable to care for their children and give them up for adoption. I have another friend who had her baby when she was a teenager and just did not feel like she could care for her, she gave her up for adoption. It does not just happen in other countries... there are children here available for adoption for reasons other than their parents are no longer living. We live in a broken world. Nothing is perfect.

The country we are adopting from there is poverty and people are told they are not able to take care of children with special needs. They are told when the child is born that they cannot do it. There is stigma that comes with these needs. There is an idea that the child is cursed and will bring curse on their family. This should change.

But does that mean we should stop adopting internationally? Will this fix the problem? I do not think it will, at least not immediately. And immediately, there is a need for these children who are living in orphanages to have a home. There are hundreds of children waiting, thousands waiting. And maybe they were given up for the right reason or the "wrong", but I can guarantee that regardless of the reason, right now, they need a family.

International adoption is expensive, but that money goes to real things,  not to people making  money off adoption, at least from our experience. We have a case worker, who needs to get paid. And another case worker who did our homestudy who also needs to get paid. Our government requires paperwork to be filled out and every bit of paperwork has a fee. And there are organizations overseas that are advocating for these orphans, that need to be paid, they translate all the paperwork, they meet with adoptive families and bring them to the orphanage and translate for them while overseas, there is a government overseas that we are working with that also has fees for paperwork and meetings and court just like our country. There is travel and visas and passports and plane tickets. It is expensive, but there is not a lot of "extra" in there.

So, after all that, why international adoption? In short, because there are kids that need homes. There are children here and there. Their lives are not any less valuable than the ones here.

I always thought I would adopt domestically. It was always the plan. Until the day my eyes saw this little boy. I never thought I would adopt outside of birth order, or a child with special needs.  But then I saw the children, this little boy, and I realized no matter what their lives are worth fighting for.

So YES, please let us find a way to educate parents around the world about special needs, to take the stigma away, let us find a way to provide resources for families that give them options and allow them to keep raising their children. But let's not stop adopting. There are just too many. The stories we hear about these things happening, I have no doubt are true, but I do doubt they are the norm. And if we believe them and stop, then we are leaving these children behind, and really nobody wins.

And someone wrote it much better than me here... http://bee-queen.com/my-truth-about-adoption/

So Far the Scariest Part for Me....

The scariest thing about adoption, was not saying yes, the scariest thing, for me, was telling family. Actually telling anyone. It is one thing to hear God tell you to do something, it is a different story to then have to share it out loud. Partly because if family and friends are not supportive, then you think they are just waiting for you to fail. And partly because if you don't do it, if you don't follow through, then everyone knows you failed. There are lots of things I say I am going to do, like "I am not going to eat chocolate for a month" or "I am going to read my Bible every day." And I always fail. So sometimes I think I should not say it. And neither of these things are as big as, we are going to adopt a child, and at that an older child with special needs. And, no we really do not know what the special needs are, we have an idea, but there is nothing guaranteed. And so if I fail, what if I want to be obedient, but I don't. And there are lots of opportunities to fail, or give up. So far, thankfully, the little face that is waiting for us, has kept me moving forward in obedience, stepping forward in faith.

It becomes easy, to live a life, one that is comfortable or even crazy, like mine. Right now I have decided to do this, this writing for a month, and I am training for a marathon (more on fundraising later:) AND I have four kids, that I homeschool AND they do things like have two soccer games and volleyball games on the same day at the same time, in different places; add in music lessons, horseback riding and trying to eat together as a family. And most people would say, you do not need to adopt. You have so much else going on. And in the middle of it ALL it is hard to remember that this is not ALL. That there is so much more. And today if I had to, I would give it all up, because what matters is my family, and this little boy needs a family, and we want to be his family, and you do what you have to for family. I do not think it would be right to say that my other kids, if they had to give up all their lessons, games, "extra's" would be missing out, if it was what we had to do for this adoption. I think they would realize that people are what matter, are lives are to be poured out. And if that means giving up somethings for the better of others, than that is what love lived out looks like, and I do not think that is too much to ask from children, if I really want them to see Christ's love, as long as I am willing to live it out as well. 

And that is the reaction some people had, some said our children already had to go without because of where we are at, go without, does not mean without food, clothing, shelter or love, go without means without all the extras. But those extras, as fun as they are, are just that fun and temporary. Some family told us that after praying they would have nothing to do with our adoption. I cannot say, how confusing this was, as they say they are Christians, but in prayer God told them they did not have to have anything to do with it. I think my heart broke for them that day, and I knew what anger felt like. Not because I really care if they are part of the adoption, yes it is nice to have family supportive, but because I cannot help but wonder if this is the problem. That Christians are praying, and hearing from God what they want to hear, rather than what is matches up with scripture. We had other family members hesitantly supportive and cautiously supportive. Some are really supportive. It was a mixed bag.

And it was the hardest part of this step of faith. The telling, and knowing there would be reactions. I have learned some about thickening my skin. And I know why we are adopting. And I know that fear of man and what he thinks is not what matters. I have learned that sometimes when you really want to see God work, you need to take a step of faith that allows him to work, to step out of my crazy, comfortable world and do what He is asking. 

Tonight I read a story to my three year old, it was after a HUGE screaming fit, we have had a lot lately. I have no idea why, but she is back to her two year old self, that I thought we had outgrown. After a lot of "NO! I DO NOT WANT TO'S!!!" by her and a lot of time outs, or attempts at time out by me, she ended up in bed. When she finally calmed down, we talked through what had happened. She then asked me to read her Bible to her. We read a children's Bible version of Moses. And she listened as I explained how at first God had told Moses to do something, and Moses said, "No." Now Moses' reasons were different than hers for saying no, he was afraid, but she had spent the night saying no to her mom, and I think she could relate. And I could relate, my fears were huge like Moses.' We talked about how God still accomplished His purpose and used Aaron to help Moses. We finished the story and then were singing, she stopped me, and said, "MOM, Moses said NO to God!" "I know baby." was my response. God still accomplished His purpose, and Moses was a big part of that but He used someone else too. God's heart is for rescuing these orphans. For giving them homes with families that love them, and this time we did not say "no" to God, we said "yes" and it has been AMAZING to see God work! A blessing to be just a small part in this masterpiece that He is working and was working long before we said "yes!"