"Though she be but little, she is fierce."

A few weeks ago, I saw a quote from A Midsummer Night's Dream, "Though she be but little, she is fierce." I want to frame it an put it over her bed. I want to know how to help her harness her fierce to use it to fight fights worth fighting. It means I have some fights to fight as well.

The other night she finally slept in her crib. The past week she had been coughing so much I always gave in and let her sleep with us. But two nights ago, the coughing had subsided and she did not want to go to bed, which was a good sign she was feeling better. I put her in her crib and sat down with my knitting to wait. This is our new approach, she screams, we sit next to her letting her know we are there, but she has to stay in bed. It has taken on a bad night close to two hours of screaming, on a good night, usually half an hour. This night, after about twenty minutes of screaming, it was quiet. I decided to wait five minutes, to ensure my leaving would not wake her. After one minute I heard her little voice. "Mommy, I am all done crying. You can leave now." I had won this fight, she had made her point. I left, and she slept.

Today started with a close to one hour time out. My husband woke up, showered, got ready and went to work all in the hour this was lasting. It started that I had the wrong cereal. I gave her the two options which resulted in a shaking screaming response, apparently she wanted a different option. I told her she can not scream at me, and she ended up in time out. She screamed for her two minutes and finally agreed to let her dad get one of the cereals for her. He was frantically trying to help me get breakfast served while getting ready for work. She grabbed the bowl, maneuvered herself behind me and then proceeded to throw the cereal across the kitchen, angry at we have no idea what. But in all her two year old defiance when asked to clean up she crossed her arms and screamed "NO!" And for the next almost hour, she sat in time out, every chance she had at ending it (every two minutes) when asked if she wanted to help clean up now and get out, she crossed her little arms and screamed, "NO!" I worked on cleaning up breakfast and made some coffee. She kept screaming. I checked email and facebook, the screaming continued. Finally through a  wet, tear streaked face and gasps for air, tired from all the screaming, her two more  minutes was up, and she nodded yes. She slowly helped me clean up her mess then climbed into my lap and just sat, both of us exhausted from a fight.

This fight I am willing to have over and over because it is more than a fight about being a right. It is a fight to teach her to obey, to listen, that there are rules to follow.  It is a fight for her little heart. This parenting thing is so difficult, but so worth it, especially when you see a little fruit from the fight.

David is 5!!!

5 years ago my world changed when a little boy named David Maccabeus Jacobs, affectionately known by those who love him as David "Macaroni and Cheese"Jacobs, came into this world. I was already the mom of two girls, and was excited and nervous about how a boy would change our pink little world. It changed with all sorts of colors and noise, of legos and balls, of "Avengers" and "Spiderman" and it has been wonderful! He looks out for others and his heart breaks when he hurts someone. He is full of big hopes and dreams of flying one day(not airplanes, but super hero flying) and playing football. He learned to walk by kicking a soccer ball across the room. He loves to cuddle. He loves to run.

There is nothing I do not think this boy can do if he puts his mind to it. He has taught himself gymnastics in hopes that his parents will put him in class, and he is really, really good. If there was a headstand contest for five-year-olds, I think he would win! He has been known to wait at the bathroom door on his head, we get used to just seeing this boy upside down. He is determined to be an artist like his dad and spends hours working on pictures that are good, not just for a kid good, but really good. He decided to try to ride his bike this summer without training wheels and told me if he fell he was never doing it again. He did it, he did not fall, he rode and rode. One day he did fall, and without a tear he brushed off and got back on that bike and rode some more, it is his favorite thing to do! This boy is all heart and determination.

He could not be loved more by his sisters, in particular his little sister who adores him. He puts his arm around her when she needs comforting, and is often the one in the family that can convince her to eat. The other day at church he shared his cake with her, one bite for him, one bite for her, back and forth until it was gone. There were quite a few ladies at church that oohed and aahed over him. He is all boy and all sweet.

I have always said that he gives me the best glimpse of what true "joy" looks like here on earth, joy overflows from every inch of his person, it is contagious.

I have not ever met anyone like this little man and could not be more proud to be his mom.

Five Minute Friday... Quiet

Five Minute Fridays is when you get a word from over at Lisa Jo Baker's blog and write on it for five minutes, WITHOUT editing then link up and ABSOLUTELY have to have to comment on the post before yours!
Today's word is: Quiet
Start

It is a treasure and gift. When everyone is asleep, the quiet is a gift. A gift when my day is full of good noise and busyness at the end, to hear nothing but sweet rest. Rest that is well deserved for children who have played hard and worked hard. And a mom who has hopefully done similar is finally able to have quiet rest. I used to fill my head with noise for fear of what I might hear. But now with all the noise of life, I treasure the quiet moments. I peek on each of my children and see their sweet faces resting and quiet. Faces that are usually full of laughter and words, resting, restoring. That is what quiet does, it allows us to rest and restore. It allows me to sort through all the noise in my head and hear clearly again.

I love the quiet of a morning run, dark before the world has started to breathe, with children at home still tucked in beds. I run with someone usually, but sometimes it is a quiet run. Where we are just  next to each other breathing, running, but listening to the quiet and stillness of life before it starts breathing for the day. Quiet is a gift, a treasure, one I will take whenever I am blessed with it!

Stop

Asking Why?

"Feeling so blessed, our house sold and they accepted our offer on the new house." It is not the exact Facebook update I read, but it goes something like that. And I want to celebrate with a friend, I am thankful for God's provision. But I struggle with the understanding of why.

We prayed for months, asked for God to be in the details. He remained quiet. And I ask questions.

Why has our house still not sold after months on the market? We have only had about four people look at it!
Why do you work so hard and barely are able to pay the bills?
Why is life sometimes such a struggle and sometimes people seem to be so blessed?

I start to question myself, my motives, my heart. Is there sin in need of confessing? Is that other person better than me? I know this is where grace comes in and mercy and sovereignty. But I want to scream and yell WHY?

I know in this world I am considered blessed, but sometimes, I feel sorry for myself and get angry that it does not seem fair. Why does it work out perfectly for some and others never seem to get a break.

I do not know, I do not have answers, but there are somethings I do know..

The Lord is good, his faithfulness endures,
Psalm 100:5 "For the Lord is good and his faithfulness endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations."

Waiting on the Lord is okay,
Isaiah 40:31 "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar with wings like eagles; They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

He is glorified even in my weakness,
2 Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

God's timing is perfect
Ecclesiastes 8:6, "For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a person may be weighed down by misery."

God's word is full of promises
Hebrews 13:5, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.'"

Psalm 27:14, "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

I know that His ways are higher.
Isaiah 55:9, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than you ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

So I am working on selflessly celebrating because God is good and when He blesses my friends I want to rejoice because God IS SO good. And I will hold to the promises knowing that God is working.

And I will continue to count my blessings...
80. running on a cool fall afternoon
81. friends that come over for an impromptu dinner
82. soup and cornbread that warms inside when the air is cool outside
83. a warm home
84. that our house is full of art and literature
85. writing ideas finally onto paper
86. a dishwasher
87. an extra hour of sleep
88. children that can read clocks so I might actually get that extra hour of sleep
89. watching my children play together like they are actually friends.

Five Minute Fridays... "Roots"

Five Minute Fridays is when you get a word from over at Lisa Jo Baker's and write on it for five minutes, WITHOUT editing, then link up and ABSOLUTELY have to have to comment on the post before yours!
Today's word is, "Root"

Start

My mind immediately goes to all the wiry tendrils reaching into the ground. The ones that I try desperately to pull up when I am actually working on weeding my garden. Why is it that the roots of weeds seem so much more set in the ground than those of my delicate flowers? Weeds and established trees, those are my greatest barriers when trying to clean up my garden. Trees are okay except they do not belong in my garden.

And I cannot help but draw some parallel between my garden and my heart, where sin has rooted its way in. Somehow the wiry tendrils of sin have wrapped themselves so tightly around my heart that is seems they might be impossible to pull out, or if I do, maybe it will rip my heart out with them. I am holding so tight to the things that I think are making my life so great. And the tree is so established, not necessarily sin, but has made itself at home that I have grown comfortable I have not had room to plant flowers or even the thought to.

There is no room then for the roots of delicate flowers that are just starting. Somehow those take longer to settle in and wrap around my heart. Maybe if I spent more time growing them they would be set firmer, I am not sure, but in the mean time...

the ugly wiry roots I am working on pulling out.

Stop

31 Days of "Things I Have Learned from my Children..."I am Blessed!

It is finally the end of 31 Days... I did not think I would make it through. And, I missed one day, so part of my "follow the rules" self thinks I need to write one more day to make it legitimate, BUT I have other things I need to do. Other projects to start. I will still blog, just not every day, and maybe on some other topics, although, my kids are just about my favorite subject to talk about.

I wanted to come up with some final thing to end the series, and to summarize it all, and all I could come up with was.... "I am blessed"

I have learned that I am blessed!

Psalm 127:3 a "Children are a gift from the Lord,"

Blessed with children. There are women who long to be mothers that cannot, are facing days and nights of longing for little hands to hold and cheeks to kiss, and I am aware of them, I ache for them. I cannot help but realize how blessed I am. I do not take it for granted.

I am blessed to have children that have turned my world upside down. Wrecking crazy havoc on my heart, turning it and wrenching it as I love them more than I ever imagined possible. The crazy love that makes it permissible to give one hundred kisses at bedtime if deemed necessary and allows me to stay up all night with a sick little one. The crazy love that allowed me gets up over and over to feed and change and rock a new baby, a baby I had just met but already loved with all my heart. Love that allows me to sit quietly as I hear the accounting of every second of their day. I am blessed that I get to be part of that world.

And I am a better person because I am a mom, I have learned through no effort of my own that my life is not my own. I am pulled on, needed, sleep deprived and served out. But joy reigns in my heart because it is all worth it. All these things I thought I would never do, and definitely not joyfully are now part of my day, although not always full of joy.

I have learned that I do not come first. And that is a hard lesson, but one I think that makes me a better person. The ability to see each of the people in my life, whatever age as someone loved by a mom, and ultimately by their Creator.

I am BLESSED. I have learned that life with children will never go as planned, days will never go as planned, but God has it all in His plan. And that is okay with me, better than okay, it is grand.

I have learned that each day is a gift, to enjoy with these blessings, and each moment is a treasure, words spoken wise beyond years and hugs given without regard, simply because I am their mom. I am oh, so blessed, and thankful.

So I will keep counting my blessings
71. laughter of siblings
72. songs sung about chocolates jumping on the bed
73. bright eyes peering at me from under covers early in the morning
74. a sister who loves her brother, speaking affirmation in front of others, "you are so handsome!'
75. neighbors to celebrate with
76. food shared and prayers answered
77. a new church that feels like home
78. our old church that will always be like home
79. friends and family we have to miss.

31 Days of "Things I have Learned from my Children..." Humility

"Mommy, you spank me, but I NOT WISSENING TO YOU!"

Words spoken to this mom who, after 10 years of being a mom, still has NO idea what I am doing. It is so humbling to know that I will never get it right, and it makes me all the more grateful that my Father in Heaven always gets it right.

I am certain He is never rolling his eyes at me, trying to figure out what to do now that I have once again fought what is best for me.

This little girl has taught me that I am SO far from perfect. I thought after three children I would have this mastered. Oh, I could not be more wrong.

I will never forget the twenty week ultrasound with this wee one. We went in and I knew it the minute I saw it - nothing too alarming, but something very distinct. There were just two vessels in her umbilical cord. This had happened five years prior when I had my ultrasound with my second. I always joke with her that she has been high maintenance since then, keeping me on my toes. When you have a two vessel umbilical cord, it could mean that about five hundred things are wrong, or it could be nothing. So you have to go in for extra tests and get monitored and measured - high maintenance. My second was born perfectly healthy at 8 lbs 1 oz. And now five years later, only two vessels again. Tears stung my eyes as the fear of another wild little girl was going to join our family. I was terrified that I was going to have to do it all over again: the battles, the fights to try to teach this strong will but still let her be who God made her to be. I also cried with relief that my 5 year old spitfire would have someone who could understand her.

Then she was born, perfectly healthy 8 pounds with a little firework on her cheek - a mark that I did not know at the time would define her personality so perfectly. She was born almost on the 4th of July. And apparently the only thing that two vessels means in our family is feisty.

I am humbled every day by the responsibility I bare of raising this child - these children - fearing they will NEVER be able to actually participate in a normal society.

And, I am humbled by hearing how my voice sounds so much like hers when I am speaking to my Father. I can be disciplined, but I AM NOT LISTENING! I so often think I know what is best.

And here it is, this little two year old humbling me, teaching me that I do not know what is best. Actually, I often have no idea what is best. In fact, I get it wrong more often than not. She needed love at this time, not discipline. So thankful my Father always knows what is best.

So we rocked and I held her. She stopped screaming, and I rocked some more. And finally, she fell asleep.