A Discouraging Week

This week has been SO discouraging. I know that adoption is hard. I know that it is complicated. But sometimes, it just more than I know what to do with! I have no idea why it is so difficult. Why there are so many roadblocks. I know that there are things put into place to protect children from being put in horrible situations. I know this. I just do not know how to keep sane in the midst of it all.

The country we are adopting from has had some disagreements about signatures. At some point they decided that they would pass everyone who had been waiting on to court. We thought we were in that group. I celebrated. We have been waiting quite a while, not as long as some, but long enough.

We were waiting for court. And last week, a lot of people got court dates. My heart was so torn as I celebrated with people I only know through this adoption world. People on this same path who have been waiting as long or longer got dates. But we did not. I held on hope, maybe this week we would hear. But more court dates were given. We still did not hear.

I finally asked my case manager if she was sure we got a signature. She said it was possible we did not. She asked the organization we are working with there. They said "No, we do not have a signature." And we are back to waiting. Back to praying that our little guy holds on. Praying for signatures. And then a court date.

I know that God's timing is perfect. I KNOW that God loves our little guy more than I ever could. I know there could be reasons. But I also know that we live in a world full of people, broken people that do not make the best decisions all the time.

There was a possiblity, maybe today we would get a signature, as of now we still have not heard.

Please keep praying for things to move, for mountains to move to bring this little boy home. Pray for peace in my heart as I wait. I am so thankful for everyone who has prayed with us on this journey. Thank You!

Please keep praying!

I have so much I want to write right now, hopes and promises that I am clinging too when my faith seems to be wavering. But my words would probably be too much to figure, so I am just asking for prayers still. I was VERY encouraged last time I asked for prayers that signatures would start happening. Within days, everyone waiting was given consent. I waited to write, because I SO wanted to just be able to say, and now we have a court date! But we do not.

Today, I heard person after person that got court dates, we did not. I have no idea how it works. One of the families that was in the country the same time we were got their court date today. We did not. And I want to celebrate with all these families, with orphans that will have families. And I get to celebrate with a friend today who leaves in just a very few short days to get her little girl.

But we still wait. And sometime I think the wait is more than I can bear.

So PLEASE if you have been praying, keep praying. Pray for a court date. Pray that he knows we are coming back and that he is strong and healthy!

Thank you for joining us in prayer throughout this journey. It is something we cannot do on our own.

Happy Birthday Karis Rose!

Today we get to celebrate our sweet Karis.

Karis, you turn nine years old today which seems absolutely impossible. 

You are one of the most beautiful girls on I know on the inside and out, and you do not even know it.

You are growing up into this young lady full of passion and laughter. You love more than just about anyone I know. The other day at church, you offered to help an elderly gentleman down the stairs. He came up to me shaking his head and told me you were growing up to fast. When I asked you about it, you blushed and looked away. Your heart is always thinking about others. 

It makes life hard sometimes because when you love and feel as fiercely as you do. But I think it is worth it. I have seen your joy for life become contagious, on the soccer field this year, your laughter brought your team together. 

Please do not spend your whole life comparing yourself to your older sister or anyone for that matter. You are uniquely you and amazing at it. Your courage and thoughtfulness are great things.

This past year you continued to horseback ride. You swam on the swim team and played soccer. You have made some new friends. You learned to knit and love to write stories. You play so well with your little sister and brother. And your big sister is enjoying you growing up too.

You are kind and thoughtful. You are funny and fun. 

You are loved! 

I think nine has great things in store for you sweet girl!

I am so thankful that God chose to put you in our family! 

Happy Birthday my Karis Rose!

A really quick prayer request!

This is just a quick update to ask for specific prayer. I believe that prayer works and right now there are a lot of people needing it. The country we are adopting from seems to be at a stand still. There is a hault on people going to court to legally adopt their children, while some officials decide who signs the Article 5.

We went to visit our little boy two and a half months ago. We hurried to make sure everything would be there nothing would be missing. And now we are stuck in a que of waiting. There are many families right now in our situation. Waiting for this signature. We are waiting for some officials to decide who does the signature. I do not understand why no one is signing while they decide, or why this has to happen, but it appears to involve some pride and power and meanwhile there are families waiting and children waiting.

So please pray that this resolves quickly. That they can come to an agreement to get things moving again.

We need this signature and a court date and once court happens we need another decree signed and we get to go!

Thank you for joining with us in prayer!

They Keep Waiting....

We keep waiting... but in the midst of the waiting, I am reminded of all the kids that are waiting with no one to come.

This week, has been a REALLY hard week, I realize it is only Tuesday. My husband has been really sick, and my three year old as well. And the past two nights I have not slept more than four hours. And lets just say potty training and diarrhea DO NOT go well together. And sometimes, I wonder if I am in over my head. And I fear what people think with my hands so full already, adding another, I must be crazy. And adding another blessing, one I know is coming with severe needs is even crazier.

But NOT doing something is crazier!

Adoption takes stepping out of your comfort into uncomfortable. Steps taken in faith.
There is a little boy who DESPERATELY needs someone to take that step of faith.
This little boy who is waiting is named "Eric." Eric has epilepsy and major global delays. We have fundraised to get him a baba. He needs surgery. More than anything, he needs a family! He needs a family NOW, one that is ready to step out because he might not make it much longer. I hate that is even something that needs to be said.

Our agency is doing what it can to advocate and to see about surgery and possible other things that he might need. But in the end, he is still spending his time in this orphanage. A place where he spends a lot of time in a crib. There is an organization raising funds for orphans, called Owls for Orphans. A portion of all purchased items between February 1st and the 15th will be donated our adoption agency for Eric. The proceeds will either go to a family if they step up or to a medical fund set up to help him. They will even send the owl to an orphan if you have no one to give it to, but want to support this little boy.

If you are interested in adopting a child who's life is precious, a little boy who NEEDS a family. Please let me know and I will connect you with the person who can answer questions or help with starting the process.

And Patty is still waiting too.... the little girl I wrote about who has been deemed "too damaged"

Please pray for these precious children. Pray families will come forward. Pray that someone will see how much a family could make a difference. And please feel free to ask questions. I am so happy to share about our experience so far.

Happy Birthday Sweet Boy!

Today is your birthday sweet boy.

I have this tradition of writing memories and thoughts of the year to my children, all the things I am proud of and what I love about them each year on their birthday.

Today my heart breaks because we do not get to celebrate with you. Last year, about this time we made the real decision to adopt YOU! We started the whole process and paperwork, the week of your birthday.
I was sure that by this time this year you would be home with us. We would eat cake and give you presents and we would be getting into the swing of what "normal" would look like.
A while ago, I new it would not happen.
But I still hoped, that maybe today I would get some good news. It seemed like a stretch in the ever waiting of adoption, but maybe we would get news, news about a signature or my hope, a court date.
None of it came.
The only update I got was yesterday, that nothing had been done. No signature, no movement on our requests for medical tests, nothing, just more waiting.
I wish I could do something! I do not even know if you know today is your birthday. If anything happens.
I wish I knew how you were doing. It has been two months since we have seen you.
We pray for you every day. And today we have whispered and shouted and said throughout today,
"Today is your birthday!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
and, "Oh how we wish you were here!"
It has been said and wished, but that is about all we could do.
And NEXT year, we will celebrate!
Today you are seven. You are so small. And I worry about you like any mom does. I have cried a few times wishing I could hold you today. I have looked at your pictures. And prayed for you to hold on.
And I continue to hope that soon you will be HOME!
And I remember looking out the window with you. Dreaming about the day you would walk from there. Dreaming about the day you would ride a bike. And swim in the pool.
When I close my eyes and dream of you in my sleep you are fifteen and grown. With a smile and laugh that lights the room. You are sitting at the table, eating breakfast, part of OUR family. And it fills my heart with hope!
We LOVE you! and cannot wait for you to come home!
Happy Birthday!

The Biggest Lie We Believe....

This post has been sitting in my head for months. I have tried desperately to put into words these thoughts, and I am not sure I know the best way to do it. But I think it is worth saying.

I am generalizing, not speaking to anyone in particular, except maybe myself. And I am aware that this does not apply to everyone. But, I believe that a lot of us are believing this lie, "Doing nothing is better than doing something." And Satan is celebrating.

Throughout this adoption process, we have faced many skeptics, people who have told us that adoption is not the answer. There needs to be reform in orphanages; children should not be taken out of their own countries; and families are being tricked into giving their children up for adoption. All the people that have said these things have meant well and believe what they are saying is right and true. And I believe that some of it is true as well. But there is a fear that adoption will cause things to happen that should never happen and will prevent things from happening that should happen.

Not every child in every orphanage has been stolen from their families. Not adopting will neither help these children nor prevent children from flooding orphanages. Also there is an idea that if we adopt, no one will reform orphanages. I believe the opposite is actually the case. The more people are aware of what is happening in orphanages, through adoption, the more likely people will DO something to change the orphanages.

I do not know the best answer. But I do know that if we do nothing, it will fix nothing. I know there will be kids that will spend the rest of their lives in cribs without a family. I know that if you said those things as an excuse to not act, you are wrong. I know there is no easy answer, but doing nothing out of fear of doing something wrong, cannot be the answer.

There are stories about children on the street in India begging for food. If you see them I have heard you are not supposed to give them food because they are only getting it to bring back to someone who is beating them or selling them or using them. I am simplifying this. And I do not mean to be trite. There are horrible, unimaginable things happening to children around this world, children on the street with no one to protect them. But not giving a child food when they are hungry seems wrong. There is no easy solution but again, I feel like we live in fear that doing something is going to cause harm and end up doing nothing, we walk by, telling ourselves that we are really helping them because I am saving them from this thing I heard happens. And they are STILL starving.

But we are to help the least of these. And these conversations play in my head. And I tell myself something has to be better than nothing.

And the man on the corner asking for food or money. We drive by because we are sure they will use it for drugs. And we do not have the McDonald's gift card we usually carry and we would not dare give cash because what would they use it for? So we drive by and do nothing, because we fear doing something is worse than doing nothing.

And I do not know the best solution. But I think when the least of these were described in the Bible, when we were told to care for them, it was not with an asterick or footnote stating when caring for the least of these should not be our priority. Principles and theories and things we have heard should not stop us from acting. Fear comes in and lies fill my head. And I do not act because I am afraid that doing something is worse than doing nothing.

And I am wrong.

All of this I say knowing there is a lot that needs to be done. And yes, we should fight for parents to keep their children. We should not promote child trafficking or child exploitation. But this should not paralyze us from acting.

We should be wise. We should be overly gracious.

We should do something.