Identity

Isaiah 43:1b, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned you by name, you are mine.”

I have always wanted to be one of those girls who is defined by something. I want to be the girl who only eats organic food, the girl who runs, the girl who backpacks, the girl who only feeds her kids healthy food, the girl who is well-liked, the girl who is funny. Any or all of the above would do for me. Unfortunately, I am probably not good enough at any of the above to actually say any one defines me. I am not the girl who always eats organic food, because my favorite dessert is M&M’s—that’s right give me M&M’s any day over anything; I will take it. I do run, but not well and not every day. I love to backpack and be outside, but too often I am afraid of wild animals. I am the girl who frequently spots the random cougar running through town—I am a bit paranoid. I try to do all of the above, but none I do well.

I saw a sign the one day that was by McGruff the crime dog. He said, “You spend a lifetime building your identity, but it only takes a second for someone to steal it.” For some reason this hit me. I have spent my entire life building my identity. I want all of these “things” to define who I am. I have spent years trying to figure out who I am. And maybe somewhere along the way I decided I needed to make who I am. So, I started finding my interests and becoming this “ideal” person in my book. Yet, I have never been very successful at any of it. I have tried so hard to be that girl, the one everyone admires. But that can be stolen too. McGruff was right! One word can just rip it down, and suddenly I am no longer that girl. I realized this one night when after a weekend of praising me and the decisions I had made to better myself, my husband came down with a criticism of something I did. You see, lately the girl I want to be is the educated, reader, tea-drinker, who does not watch TV and only eats healthy things, the girl who does yoga and runs, the self-disciplined girl. What’s the problem? I watched TV and suddenly I was no longer that girl. My husband apparently admired that girl. But I changed, or gave in to be not so self-disciplined and suddenly that was no longer my identity. I had my identity stolen by just this simple question of whether I was really going to watch TV tonight—and was it going to be that much TV. I had determined I was. I was sick and tired and wanted to watch 3 hours of TV. But when my husband brought this up, I realized I was no longer this girl, the girl who he had grown to like, even if it had been a girl around for only about 2 weeks. My identity was stolen, my pride was hurt and once again, I was left wondering who I am.

Thankfully several years ago, God really showed me who I am. I am His. That is what defines me, that identity, cannot be stolen. No matter if I am organic-eating or M&M-eating, running or sitting and reading, making wise decisions of my time or not so wise, I am still His. My identity is that of a child of God. I am chosen, dearly loved and precious. I am His precious daughter. Thankfully this does not change. I cannot make some mistake that will take this away from me or make me less His. I just need to keep reminding myself!

Thanksgiving Recap

Well.... I took a few days off, to enjoy being home with my family. We kind of took the whole week off, off of school, off of schedule, just pretty much off. It seems that Thanksgiving in my house always ends up kind of up in the air. We have hosted the past two years, and two years in a row our main guests, (my wonderful sister and her family) have had some major thing strike. Last year her husband tore his Achilles tendon the Saturday before and was in surgery the Tuesday before. This year, Sunday morning her 6 year old came down with strep-throat and then Tuesday her three year old as well. So both years we waited until Thanksgiving day to actually find out if anyone was joining us for dinner. And both years they forged through, making the five hour trek to share Thanksgiving with us. And I am very thankful they did!

This year we also started a new tradition. We started the morning trottin' with the turkeys! That is what they call the run here in town, the "Turkey Trot" It was so much fun! My eight year old did amazing! My five year old did a pretty good job. Here are some pictures....

There was a good turn out, over 1500 racers! (we were at the very back)our cheering team! (grandpa and 2 year old)



he had the best seat in the house!

Running to the finish line!

Karis and I finishing closer to the end, we were ending our 2 miles at the same time the 10k winners were coming in!

Determination, eye on the prize (the finish line had cookies and donuts-all the motivation this girl needs!)

A final push to the finish line!

We had a great time and a really, really good Thanksgiving!

Hat Skit - Hearts at Home National Conference

I love this skit, it is exactly how I feel most days. I saw Karen Ehman two years ago at the Hearts at Home Conference. Funny thing is, I never imagined life would be quite like this. In fact, I kind of thought it would be much different. If someone had asked me 20 years ago what my life would look like when I was in my 30s, I would have said, ...I thought I would live in a big city. I would drink coffee on the train commuting to work while glancing at the financial section of the New York Times. I was never going to be married. I thought I would adopt a child from another country.I thought I might change the world in some extraordinary way.

Instead, I live a crazy, unpredictable life. Doing far more than I ever imagined I could. And the far more is a whole lot of ordinary things. And some days, I get really tired and discouraged that it is not some extraordinary world changing thing -- like cure cancer, find a way to feed all the starving children in Africa, or bring world peace (you know all the reasonable goals that every young person strives for). BUT, then most days, I realize that the extraordinary thing I get to do is take care of these little people and make them ready to take on this world.

Things I Love Thursday (Running)

Well, since I have only been really writing this blog regularly for the past three weeks and this is my third post on running, I think it suffices to say that I LOVE RUNNING! And, I have a goal to run the Chicago Marathon next Fall. So, I thought I would justify my love for running by listing things that make running good!

1. When I am about to scream because my house needs cleaning, my kids need feeding and things are not going my way BUT it is 7am (my usual time to run -- although somehow this has changed to 5:00am -- see #5) I get to go without having to justify, and somehow life is a lot clearer afterwards. (or maybe I just can't yell because I am out of breath)--either way it works!

2. Some nights I really need a piece of chocolate, glass or two of wine, chocolate chip cookie, etc. On days I run, I really do not feel guilty about one of these things, and even on days I don't run, I just run a little more/faster the next time.

3. I can say that I have actually accomplished something -- "I ran 6 miles, in 54 minutes. " One of the only things I actually COMPLETE in my life, other things like dishes always need doing, there is always laundry to do and toys to clean up -- they are never COMPLETE!

4. It is one of the only things I can do that I am completely alone doing, and it is OK.

5. I do not have to be completely alone, I have made some of my best friends running, and am always making new friends running. There is camaraderie in running, I may not ever have taken the time to get to know someone because our lives are different, busy, full, etc. BUT then we run together. And there is just something about running 8 miles in a snowstorm just for training sake that makes you feel like this person is your favorite person and you will be friends forever!

6. I get to run with my girls. This Fall my 8 year old and 5 year old have been training with me for the turkey trot Thanksgiving morning. So we will be starting our day running together, for that I am thankful!

I cannot imagine not being a runner, I hope that I will be one of those people at 89 still running and maybe even one of those old people you hear people talk about that passed them at mile 5.

This post is being linked to Things I Love Thursday at Diaper Diaries

A Book Review

Immanuel's Veins by Ted Dekker

I love to read, I am not a huge fan of book reviews, because so often it is just a personal thing. But I am going to give it a try. For example, I strongly disliked the books The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger and She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb. Both of these books have gotten rave reviews from many, but they just were not my cup of tea. So, this review is just my humble opinion. And, I went into this with high expectations. Some set by the 3 or 4 pages of reviews at the beginning of the book stating how this book changed lives. The other expectation was one set by myself. Somehow I thought this book might be just the perfect blend of Twilight by Stephenie Meyer and The Mark of the Lion series by Francine Rivers. Now this would be my dream book probably, historical fiction with a little bit of mystery (or whatever drew me to Twilight). Well, I was sadly disappointed. This book was a quick easy read, but it was not all I had hoped for. The two main characters were Toma and Lucine. And Toma was what seemed to be a "savior" character. Definitely in the ending he was that, but he was SO lacking. I am always taken by books that show the lure and danger of overindulgence. So often we look at evil as just that evil. The characters that murder, abuse, hurt. This book shows the danger of just living with pleasure and love in excess, at all costs. And that I appreciated. But I wanted more development. I did not see what real love looks like, the kind that is complete, the kind I think this book was trying to show. I wanted more. So, all in all, I would give this book 3 stars if I had a rating system like that. The idea was good, it fell short.

Top 10 Christmas Traditions... It's Beginning To Look a lot like Christmas!

Well, not here, but just north of here I heard they got a foot of snow! And, I cannot believe how many people are setting up Christmas trees early, before Thanksgiving. I say go for it! I love this time of year... the lights, the smells, the sights. I love it! There are a few traditions I will keep and a couple I would like to start (or restart)
1. Pajamas -- since I was a little girl we got pajamas on Christmas Eve -- to look cute in our pictures Christmas morning (although I dont think I ever looked really cute in any of those pics)
2. Put up Christmas Tree the weekend after Thanksgiving -- I actually have these really fond memories or going to cut down our own tree the first week of November as a kid, some friends of ours had a Christmas Tree farm and before they sent them out to the stores we got to come cut one, we then followed it with chili at a neighbors with friends from church also cutting down THEIR trees and singing Christmas carols. I thought we would have a real tree by now, for sure last year, but so far our little tree has hung in there. We missed putting it up last year until the week before because we kept thinking we would get a real tree, we never did, we put up the old standby and my two year old broke into tears when he saw the lights, I dont think he had seen anything so beautiful in his life!
3. Advent - so often I skip this part, I get so caught up in all the doing, I forget the need to prepare myself for this holiday so... we will be reading a part of the Christmas story each day and lighting our Advent candles
4. And for a craft/Advent Calendar -- Iwould like to make a Jesse Tree
5. Read this story as a family --I love reading with my family ay night, with hot chocolate or tea and everyone cuddled up together (well except for the two year old doing sprints down the hallway)
6. This one is going to be very hard for me -- but I want to make it a tradition that each child gets just one present from us, besides the pajamas listed in #1... My love language is gift giving, and I love to buy presents for my family, but I really feel like this is when I lose perspective!
7. Listen to this CD, (I did not know if they actually sold it anymore, but I found it on Amazon) it is a favorite of my husband's and mine, and it is really hard to get him to like my music
9. Drive around and look at Christmas lights
9. Make these amazing Chocolate Oreo Truffles, (I only let myself make them during the holidays )
10.Celebrate with family, we always spend Christmas Eve with my in-laws and this year we are heading to my sister's on Christmas Day
Well seven of the ten are tried and true traditions, three are new, we will see how they go, and hopefully soon it really will begin to look a lot like Christmas around here!

This post is linked to Top Ten Tuesdays at Oh Amanda

Poop on Potty Training!!!!

Poop! I hate potty training. Don't get me wrong I am incredibly happy when it is over and I don't have to change the diapers of an almost three year old, BUT in the middle of it, I hate it! I hate the messes, the fear of 'where is my child at this moment, is he hiding or is he going to the bathroom some random place in my house!' This is my third attempt. My first two were very successful, they were quick, easy. My first, my husband did most of the work -- so that was perfect!!! Then my second just wanted to be like her sister, so she just did it!

My third, he hates it, this morning he screamed at me, "I DON'T LIKE YOU!! YOU ARE MEAN MOMMY!" Just for making him sit on the potty? And I am not above bribery, I bribe with candy, stickers, cute underwear, you name it we have it. He just does not want to do it. He actually believes he will get a real truck when he is potty trained. He pointed it out to me the other day at the bank drive thru -- and I thought maybe this was a sign that he is NOT potty training until he is 16. Our day then proceeded with more screaming (I would not put pants or anything on him til he went on the potty) Some kids like to be naked -- not him -- after about 15 minutes he sat on the potty, tried really hard, did not go, and got to put on underwear -- CARS underwear (cool underwear)! He made it about 2 hours, which to my fault, I should have made him try again, but I really did not want to hear my sweet boy call me mean again and say he didnt like me! AND I was in the middle of some cooking projects. So, when he disappeared, I started searching -- David, where are you? Why are you hiding? To which he responded "I am a Ninja!" (sitting in a pool of pee?) Which he proceeded to blame on me -- he adamantly insisted that HE DID NOT WET HIS PANTS -- I did it! Well, once again, "I DONT LIKE YOU MOMMY! YOU ARE MEAN!" came out of my sweet boys little mouth. He was not allowed to put on new underwear/ pull-up/pants until he went on the potty. And 15 minutes later he was on the potty POOPING!!!! Then very grown up like he put on his alien underwear and pants. He then sat at the table to eat lunch and when his sisters did not understand what underwear he was wearing he stood up, pulled his pants to his ankles, breathed out a sigh of annoyance, "See?" And it is only noon and we are no where near done potty training.