A "Thank You" to my Grandma

This morning my Grandma Borth passed away at the age of ninety four. I have not seen her in quite a while. Over the years, life has seemed to fill up, and I have not been great at keeping in touch. She was a stickler for "Thank You's." And I am awful at them. I am pretty sure I owe her quite a few. So, I thought I would write this "Thank you" to my grandma.

Dear Grandma,

I want to say "Thank You!" Thank you for being a woman who was not afraid to live life. You have always been larger than life to me. When I think of you, I think of stories that come with bragging rights because, Grandma, you lived a life worth telling.

Thank you for memories that define a bit of my childhood. I remember the smell of your house and eating zucchini bread covered in butter at your table in front of the window. I remember you telling me that the man praying over his bread, that appears in just about every house in America, was one of your neighbors. I remember the sign in your bathroom that says you will charge more for unused bath water. I remember your hands, red and raw from working so hard, doing dishes or cleaning.

Grandma, you often would remark how you had to take care of "old" people; they needed your help. You were around eighty yourself, but would never consider yourself old.

I have this memory of you telling me how you installed a toilet in your basement. You had rented a dumpster, cleared out your basement, and installed the thing yourself - a toilet. Even as I write it, it seems unreal. You were probably in your seventies at the time, and I could not imagine doing it at any age myself. You said you were tired of guests having to wait to use the bathroom, but, I suspect, maybe you were tired of waiting for guests to get out of the bathroom.

You passed away this morning. No one was expecting it, it seems. Apparently you had just gotten up to use the washroom. After lying back down, someone came to check on you, and you had passed away, just like that. And it seems like you, Grandma, to do things the practical way, without much fuss and taking care of things that needed doing before you went on.

Grandma, you always spoke your mind. You were a hard worker and a blessing to many who knew you.

So, thank you, Grandma, for the memories you have left in my life. You have touched many lives and will be missed.

Love,
Your Grandaughter

A Friday Update

A Friday update....

Somehow life has taken over my hours, in a good way. I have been busier than I could imagine being the past two weeks.
Anya and Karis have decided to join swim team. I had told them we were waiting a year before doing any extras, but we have been here almost a year, and it is an insanely good "deal" for a sport, so I have caved. However, during try outs, they were placed in different classes, which meant a week of two hours of swim team practice, four days a week, squeeze in horseback riding, finishing up our homeschool co-op and Bible Study, and my moments of rest were far between.

Add in there, we have started the homestudy phase of the adoption. A homestudy consists of first papers upon papers. Nathan and I each had to answer twenty one pages of information on ourselves and our families. It is incredibly personal, the result was over thirty pages of answers each that covered both of our lives and histories. This along with fingerprints and background checks and pictures of our house and family make up this gigantic file that the social worker reviews. The social worker then meets with the us over four meetings, one as a couple, one with me, one with Nathan and one to see our home. The meetings cover anywhere from two to four weeks and then we wait as they write the report. I had my second meeting with our caseworker yesterday, so we are half way there. It was my individual meeting and I left thinking, this woman knows more about me than just about anyone in the world. What an incredibly invasive process, although I kept thinking in actual birth, the checkups and doctors appointments get quite invasive in other ways. And it is all worth it, for these children. Our last two homestudies are next week.

This week after a crazy last I thought would calm down, swim team had a week off before actual practice started, the co-op was done and kids were fighting colds, so I stayed home from the nursing home visit our Bible Study was doing with the littlest ones. But things kept busy. There was a parent meeting for swim team and a book club I am starting with some other ladies, and I had to finish the book and clean my house somewhat since they were coming over, and there is a race I am training for this weekend, a half- marathon in Oklahoma City. The race is a memorial for the Oklahoma City Bombing that happened eighteen years ago. And it seems appropriate to be run after what happened in Boston less than two weeks ago. I am excited to be running with friends, and to be racing after years of not being able to.

We are also getting ready to be featured on a blog as the family of the week. It is this incredibly great idea. Give1save1 is a blog that features five parts of the world, domestic, Caribbean, Africa, Europe and China. They feature a different family each week and ask you to give a dollar. Just a dollar, but if a few thousand people decided I can give a dollar, it makes a HUGE difference. If a few thousand people said, each week I am going to give $5, one to each family, each week, that is $20 a month, a few thousand people giving $20 a month, can make a difference in adoption. It is a brilliant idea, and we are excited to be part of it. I will be writing more about it in the next week, but the week of May 6th is the week we are being featured for Europe, so we need a family video. And we are working on a family video.

Nathan is in his final week of teaching before finals start next week. Then he is teaching May term. And if you have not heard he is making a film this summer, "Killing Poe." So most of his free time is spent story boarding and fundraising. Here is a link if anyone has missed it.

Life has been full, but oh so good. I cannot tell you how much I have to be thankful for, I feel so blessed, especially on the days I am tired because those are the days I know I spent my time, not wasted it.

Answering some "why's"

There are two questions we have been asked most frequently since we started this adoption journey. The first is more of a statement, that I take as a question,
"Well, there are so many kids in need right here and it is much more affordable, so if we decide to adopt, we will probably do it through the foster system."
I get this statement, because I have said it to many people before. I never in a million years thought we would adopt from overseas, if anything because of the cost of adopting from another country. And because I know, there are kids right here that need homes. I cannot explain then why Hamilton, why this little boy. But what I can say, is if you have ever had a moment when God is working, and you have to obey, then that is what this is.
Over and over, I have heard God say in His quiet voice,
 "This is my child! He is MINE, he is precious, and I love him, and I am doing this." "This has nothing to do with you, I am going to do this, but I want you to do this with me." "Get on your knees and trust me, because this ONE is mine."
It is not about me.
It is not about my family.
This is about a little boy, that God loves, that this world could so easily forget because he is one of so many. It brings tears to my eyes, every time I think of how great His love is.
God cares for this little boy, He cares for all these kids waiting for homes, waiting for families, He is close to the brokenhearted. And He loves Hamilton.
It has been the reason I have not worried, when the money kind of stalls, because every time we have needed it, God has provided above and beyond.
This is His thing, not mine.

The other question,
"What are his special needs? Really? And you are okay with that? That maybe you will have to care for him for the rest of his life?"
Again, I totally get this question, and five years ago maybe I would have said no way. I have already committed my life to raising these blessings God has given me, and even made this crazy decision to homeschool them, but when they move out, I will finally have freedom!
But then I realized that my life is not any greater than this little boys, then any of these little children that did not choose a disability for life. I realize that I could have given birth to a child with any special need, and I would have never said, no, I do not want them, I may not want the disability or the difficulty but I would always want them. My life is not greater than his.
And this world is short, there is so much to look forward to beyond this life, this time here, now, it will be like a moment in my time of times, so if Hamilton needs a mom and dad to take care of him for the rest of his life, then it is what we do. I am sure it will be hard, but keeping my eyes set on eternity makes it doable, I think.

So, for everyone with those questions that is my "why" My why him, and why a child with special needs. I do not live in a dream world that this will be some amazing thing, but I do believe that this is a God thing and that this boy is His, that God has a plan for Hamilton, and if we can be part of that we are going to do it.

A Little Side Note and something on RUNNING!

I am probably breaking every rule of blogging by combining my adoption blog with my regular, write about life blog, BUT it is hard to separate because in my world, there is no separation. My days consist of the regular- raising kids, homeschooling, reading books, cooking meals, running, AND my days consist of the constant thought running through my head, "we are adopting a little boy, what do I need to do..."A list goes through my head, prayers are raised for this little man we long to bring home, and I go back to life, normal, here life. It all happens as I change diapers and vacuum floors and move about my day. Hamilton has become a part of our world already as my children make remarks... David says, "I miss Hami, I hope he is having a good day at his house today." and Verity with every picture she makes, "This one is for Hami, he is my BEST friend!" They recognize his picture and we pray for him as a family. It has become part of our world, HE has become part of us already, so maybe it seems strange to me to separate him from this blog, this little part of my world, because he is so much already a part of the rest of my world. AND all these things, the regular life, the adoption stuff, it all involves loads and loads of coffee and imagining I can sit and share it with friends at a coffee shop (Hence the Cafe au Mommy)-- the coffee shop is preferably on a cobblestone street somewhere in Paris!

Anyways, this post is supposed to not be about adoption because like I said life is still going here. One of the things I have been SO thankful for lately is the ability to run. I am certain I have more of an appreciation for it since not being able to run for over a year. I am also thankful for the community that it provides. There is something about running with other women before the sun comes up in freezing cold weather with no make up on and sweating and suffering together that provides a bond like no other. This morning it took everything in me to get up and run. I was actually texting my friend to cancel when another friend texted to say she wanted to join us. I thought, no way can I let them suffer alone, so I deleted my text and said, "Yes, we are running! Come!" That was at nine o'clock last night, we were a half an hour from home and had to still drive home and get kids ready for bed. It was after eleven thirty when I laid down to sleep, my alarm set for 5:30 in the morning. At 5:33, one of the women again texted to say she was skipping, the radar looked like rain. But at this point I was already up and my other friend was meeting me, so I got on my running clothes and drove to our meeting point, hoping if it did do something it would at least snow. Oh, where did the 75 degree sunny days of last weekend go! It is snowing and sleeting and freezing today! The wind was cold, the air was cold. But we met to run. And as we were getting ready to run we saw another woman running by herself. Someone my friend knew. She yelled, "Hey, want to join us?!?!" "Sure," she said. And off we went. And for the next forty minutes in the dark and freezing cold we rain. And I got to know this other mom in my city. We ran on dark, now becoming familiar paths. The kind that are actually more familiar in the dark than the day because that is when I see them the most. And the three of us talked about being moms and running and life. When I got home and had gotten everyone breakfast, made pumpkin bread, taken out the garbage and drunk some coffee I went in and woke up my husband and said, it is eight o'clock and I have run 4.5 miles, made pumpkin bread, fed kids, taken out the garbage AND already made a new friend, what a great start to a day. I had another friend comment how I already know way more people than she does in town. And I thought, it is because I run. There is something SO great about the community of runners. And I am SO thankful for all my running friends, new and old!

Paperwork, a Quilt, a Fundraiser, and THANK YOU!

I feel a HUGE sense of relief as we finished a stack of paperwork. Paperwork that involves twenty-one pages of questions for Nathan and me each. Questions asking about everything from how we discipline to who our favorite teacher was growing up. It is amazing the amount of information they need to see if we are fit to adopt this little boy. Information that no one requested before we had any children of our own. We finished it all. We requested letters from doctors and transcripts; we were fingerprinted and have gotten passports. It has taken hours of work, and we are only at the beginning.

We have been so blessed by friends, acquaintances and family that have helped so far. Over the past two months, we have had people give over six thousand dollars toward our efforts to bring Hamilton home. We have a long ways to go, though.

One of the fundraisers we are starting is a quilt fundraiser. I am working with a friend to make a signature quilt. For each person who donates $10 or more, we will sign your name on the quilt. We think this will be great "welcome home" present for this little man. Every night, he will go to bed covered in a warm blanket that reminds him of the many people who helped rescue him and give him a safe and loving home.

There are lots of people who have already given more than ten dollars. We will put their names on the quilt, but we would love to put lots more. This quilt will have all the names of people who have worked together to bring Hamilton home. Ten dollars is not a lot, but if only three thousand people gave ten dollars, or fifteen hundred people gave twenty, we would have our goal. A lot of people giving a little can make a REALLY big difference in the life of one person.

We are so thankful for all who have prayed and helped so far! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I am not going to change the world...

I am not going to change the whole world or fix all the problems of all children. 

But maybe I am going to change the whole world for this one child.

Maybe I can do that. 

I hear a voice in my head frequently, "How can you just pick him? There are so many kids right here that need homes and families. There are children all around the world that are hungry and sick, children that do not have warm clothes and live on the street or have been sold into slavery." It's true. It happens and it breaks my heart. Sometimes I think it is just too much. 

How can I even try to make a difference because one person is not going to change the whole world. 

But, one person can maybe change the whole world for one child.

Is that enough? I do not know. But there are people changing the world for one person or two people or more. People who are being brave and stepping out of their comfortable worlds to actually make a change in the world of someone. People like Katie who, at the age of 22, has adopted 13 daughters. She is living out what Christ has called us to do. She may not feel brave, but taking steps of faith take courage. Or people like Lee Jong rak who built a dropbox because he knows life is precious, and he could not stand by and say it is too much. 

There are people adopting ten or twelve children with special needs. Children that the world has said are worthless. Children that are PRECIOUS to God. Children that need a family to love them.

Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you,whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."

"ONE of the least of these..." 

We are not going to change the whole world. I cannot change the world by myself. But maybe I can change the world for this one child.

A video worth watching...

Home

Five Minute Friday is when you spend five minutes writing on a word (Lisa Jo Baker gives a word each Friday) and lots of people write their thoughts on that one word. The Rules are... you write for five minutes without editing, and then publish it. And then you absolutely comment on the person before you who wrote.  So here is today's...

Home

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Talking last night, we share the hopes for our children, the ones we dream about with faces that are clear. Our hearts long to hold them, but we know it could be a year or more before they are held. And we hope maybe just months. We talk about home. I realize as I speak, that my little boy, the one I dream about at night, may not even know what a home is. He may not know what a mom is. Is that possible? Does he not know what he is missing or even know that a home is normal. And my heart aches more, and fear creeps in just a little wondering if he will want me as much as I want him. I know it will be a struggle and home will become a new home as faces change and life changes. But home is where my family is. Years of moving and life changes, I have always known that home is where they are, the ones I love. And I cannot wait to share with him what home is, to make our home his home.
"I wish he was here now," David says.
"Me too," we all whisper.
Watching over and over the few minutes of video we have, wondering, praying for this child. The one we want to bring home.
I know they want him as much as I do.
We want him to know home.
I am thankful for a home, for a family to love and cherish, to laugh and hold.
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