My favorite blogs on adoption...

One of the things I love is reading the stories of those who are adopting or have adopted or who advocate for orphans! There are some real heroes out there for the orphan. These are some of my favorite blogs about adoption. Some I have just recently stumbled upon, some moved us to take the first steps of adoption, and some are friends who are walking the journey of adoption!

1. THIS is the newest blog I have come across... it is beautiful, the story, the pictures, the heart

2. This WOMAN just amazes me!

3. A family with an amazing heart and courage!

4. A family starting their second adoption, a FAMILY I love!

5. This is the blog that started it for me, that got my heart stirred enough to take the first step of faith...

6. You have probably read her, and she writes on more than just adoption, but she is an amazing writer and LOTS OF FUN!

Fundraising and Adoption

There are quite a few ways to fund an adoption. One of the most popular is fundraising. Fundraising is a hard thing. Some people will say, it is worth doing, others (usually those not adopting) will say that you should not fundraise for adoption. "If you do not have the money to pay for adoption, than you should just not adopt." The thing is I really know hardly anyone who has $35,000 extra, just sitting in their bank account. And if they do then by all means ADOPT! There is a REALLY good blog post on this, at Embracing the Odyssey.

I have personally found fundraising stressful. Partly because with adoption, nothing is guaranteed, and most people are not able to make tax deductible donations, which makes it sometimes stressful when asking or explaining fundraising. There are lots of really good ideas though, I have read a lot on fundraising and there are so many good ideas! I wanted to make just a starter list for those looking for ideas. The other thing to remember in fundraising, is that every dollar counts. Five dollars really does make a difference because if twenty people give five dollars, you have a hundred dollars which is what we would need to pay for our little boys medical visit for Visa. Every dollar counts! So here is a list of ideas....

Auction (a friend of ours auctioned off jewelry, or you could auction off art, or baskets for presents. people are sometimes willing to give a "something" to auction because it is what they have, and it can grow their business)
Bake sale ( you could do this before or after church for a few weeks)
Birthday Party (a friend of mine did this on her adoptive son's birthday, the hope is for the next party he will be here, but for this year, they threw him a party fundraising for his adoption, great idea!!!)
Make something and sell it! (A woman in our adoption group makes "Owls for Orphans" She used it to help fund her adoption and now helps other adoptions with her sales) If you have a craft or trade, sell it. There is a spot on etsy for adoption fundraisers!
Make a signature quilt or puzzle. Each person who gives so much gets their name on a quilt or helps complete the puzzle piece. We are doing the signature quilt throughout this adoption process. Anyone who gives $10 or more, we will sign their name on the quilt that we are making for Hamilton. I am so excited to give it to him to let him know how many people worked together to bring him home!
Have a Drawing. Set a goal and when you get to that goal draw for a prize. I have seen this a lot lately, for example, set a goal of $1000, once you get to that goal you randomly draw a name of all the people who donated and they receive a prize. There have been some pretty great prizes, like a kindle or a $100 amazon gift card.
Host a Dinner or Party- Have a dinner or party, sell tickets, make the food yourself to offset costs. I have heard several of these have been quite successful!
Run a Race- This is another one I am doing. It is one of the things I can do, is run. So for each person that donates to our adoption in the weeks leading up to the adoption, I am going to run with their names on a shirt that I wear that says, "Bringing Hamilton Home" You could run a race or run as a team, or if you are really ambitious design a race, that the race entry fees go to funraising.

This is a short list of fundraisers. There are lots more lists out there. I would love to add to THIS list! If you have any ideas, leave a comment!

The hardest part... is the waiting

The hardest part... is the waiting.

My heart weighs heavy knowing there is nothing more I can do.

We have applied for grants, all our paperwork is overseas, and we are waiting.

We are in a stage of this adoption that is just waiting. Waiting for grants, to see if we get them, waiting for a referral and a signature. There is a possibility that the committee that give referrals will meet every week this month. There is a possiblity that they will review our dossier. There is a possiblity that they will not. That we will still wait.

I clean the bathroom and tears fill my eyes because there is a child on the other side of the world I am waiting for. He is not waiting for me, he does not even know I exist. But how can bathrooms HAVE to be cleaned and dishes HAVE to be done and laundry HAVE to be put away? How can it all still have to go on while I am waiting?

I am sure in any moment of wait this is how we all feel.

And sometimes the waiting is honestly paralyzing. Because I really do not want to do anything but wait. So I sit and dream and pray for this little boy.

And in the waiting and after the waiting, I want to be a voice for this children that deserve so much more. Who are valuable just because they are created by God, their lives matter just as much as any of ours.

A voice for a little girl who sits in an orphanage, blind, cast off because all that is seen is that she cannot see. She is, "not able to learn" not even given a chance, because she cannot see. A voice for a little girl that twice has had families commit, and then for a little boy in who needs heart surgery, his country cannot provide it and his life is on the line. A voice for a twelve year old boy with spina bifida that asks for a family, but may never find one. And a little girl that twice had families committed, that were not able to complete the adoption. She has spina bifida and is really smart her report says. She is five. All of these are real children, in different countries around the world. And they wait too. They are waiting for families. And they are the ones that might wait longer because they have special needs and are older.

If you are thinking about adoption or want information on any of these children or others waiting, let me know, I will be so happy to connect you with our case worker who can give more information.

And I continue to wait. There are definitely some things worth waiting for!

Why Adopt Internationally...

I have heard a lot lately about intenational adoption, not being a good thing. How we are really encouraging an industry, because there is money to be made in children. I have heard that there are plenty of children here that need homes, why not adopt domestically.

I think some of those people are right. Unfortunately, people do see money in adoption, and maybe it is happening. Maybe people are giving up their children because they want them to have a better life, or they cannot care for them. Maybe, definitely, there needs to be something done. We need to make resources available to people to make giving their children up not a real option. We need to educate them, that just because a child has a special need, does not mean they cannot raise them. And can I just say, does it not happen here? In this country, people give up their babies because they do not feel like they can care for them. I have a friend, who's child is the fourth child of a woman. She kept the first three and gave up her fourth for adoption. As heartbreaking as that is, she did it so her child would have a better life, and she is with an amazing family. There are moms in this country that feel unable to care for their children and give them up for adoption. I have another friend who had her baby when she was a teenager and just did not feel like she could care for her, she gave her up for adoption. It does not just happen in other countries... there are children here available for adoption for reasons other than their parents are no longer living. We live in a broken world. Nothing is perfect.

The country we are adopting from there is poverty and people are told they are not able to take care of children with special needs. They are told when the child is born that they cannot do it. There is stigma that comes with these needs. There is an idea that the child is cursed and will bring curse on their family. This should change.

But does that mean we should stop adopting internationally? Will this fix the problem? I do not think it will, at least not immediately. And immediately, there is a need for these children who are living in orphanages to have a home. There are hundreds of children waiting, thousands waiting. And maybe they were given up for the right reason or the "wrong", but I can guarantee that regardless of the reason, right now, they need a family.

International adoption is expensive, but that money goes to real things,  not to people making  money off adoption, at least from our experience. We have a case worker, who needs to get paid. And another case worker who did our homestudy who also needs to get paid. Our government requires paperwork to be filled out and every bit of paperwork has a fee. And there are organizations overseas that are advocating for these orphans, that need to be paid, they translate all the paperwork, they meet with adoptive families and bring them to the orphanage and translate for them while overseas, there is a government overseas that we are working with that also has fees for paperwork and meetings and court just like our country. There is travel and visas and passports and plane tickets. It is expensive, but there is not a lot of "extra" in there.

So, after all that, why international adoption? In short, because there are kids that need homes. There are children here and there. Their lives are not any less valuable than the ones here.

I always thought I would adopt domestically. It was always the plan. Until the day my eyes saw this little boy. I never thought I would adopt outside of birth order, or a child with special needs.  But then I saw the children, this little boy, and I realized no matter what their lives are worth fighting for.

So YES, please let us find a way to educate parents around the world about special needs, to take the stigma away, let us find a way to provide resources for families that give them options and allow them to keep raising their children. But let's not stop adopting. There are just too many. The stories we hear about these things happening, I have no doubt are true, but I do doubt they are the norm. And if we believe them and stop, then we are leaving these children behind, and really nobody wins.

And someone wrote it much better than me here... http://bee-queen.com/my-truth-about-adoption/

So Far the Scariest Part for Me....

The scariest thing about adoption, was not saying yes, the scariest thing, for me, was telling family. Actually telling anyone. It is one thing to hear God tell you to do something, it is a different story to then have to share it out loud. Partly because if family and friends are not supportive, then you think they are just waiting for you to fail. And partly because if you don't do it, if you don't follow through, then everyone knows you failed. There are lots of things I say I am going to do, like "I am not going to eat chocolate for a month" or "I am going to read my Bible every day." And I always fail. So sometimes I think I should not say it. And neither of these things are as big as, we are going to adopt a child, and at that an older child with special needs. And, no we really do not know what the special needs are, we have an idea, but there is nothing guaranteed. And so if I fail, what if I want to be obedient, but I don't. And there are lots of opportunities to fail, or give up. So far, thankfully, the little face that is waiting for us, has kept me moving forward in obedience, stepping forward in faith.

It becomes easy, to live a life, one that is comfortable or even crazy, like mine. Right now I have decided to do this, this writing for a month, and I am training for a marathon (more on fundraising later:) AND I have four kids, that I homeschool AND they do things like have two soccer games and volleyball games on the same day at the same time, in different places; add in music lessons, horseback riding and trying to eat together as a family. And most people would say, you do not need to adopt. You have so much else going on. And in the middle of it ALL it is hard to remember that this is not ALL. That there is so much more. And today if I had to, I would give it all up, because what matters is my family, and this little boy needs a family, and we want to be his family, and you do what you have to for family. I do not think it would be right to say that my other kids, if they had to give up all their lessons, games, "extra's" would be missing out, if it was what we had to do for this adoption. I think they would realize that people are what matter, are lives are to be poured out. And if that means giving up somethings for the better of others, than that is what love lived out looks like, and I do not think that is too much to ask from children, if I really want them to see Christ's love, as long as I am willing to live it out as well. 

And that is the reaction some people had, some said our children already had to go without because of where we are at, go without, does not mean without food, clothing, shelter or love, go without means without all the extras. But those extras, as fun as they are, are just that fun and temporary. Some family told us that after praying they would have nothing to do with our adoption. I cannot say, how confusing this was, as they say they are Christians, but in prayer God told them they did not have to have anything to do with it. I think my heart broke for them that day, and I knew what anger felt like. Not because I really care if they are part of the adoption, yes it is nice to have family supportive, but because I cannot help but wonder if this is the problem. That Christians are praying, and hearing from God what they want to hear, rather than what is matches up with scripture. We had other family members hesitantly supportive and cautiously supportive. Some are really supportive. It was a mixed bag.

And it was the hardest part of this step of faith. The telling, and knowing there would be reactions. I have learned some about thickening my skin. And I know why we are adopting. And I know that fear of man and what he thinks is not what matters. I have learned that sometimes when you really want to see God work, you need to take a step of faith that allows him to work, to step out of my crazy, comfortable world and do what He is asking. 

Tonight I read a story to my three year old, it was after a HUGE screaming fit, we have had a lot lately. I have no idea why, but she is back to her two year old self, that I thought we had outgrown. After a lot of "NO! I DO NOT WANT TO'S!!!" by her and a lot of time outs, or attempts at time out by me, she ended up in bed. When she finally calmed down, we talked through what had happened. She then asked me to read her Bible to her. We read a children's Bible version of Moses. And she listened as I explained how at first God had told Moses to do something, and Moses said, "No." Now Moses' reasons were different than hers for saying no, he was afraid, but she had spent the night saying no to her mom, and I think she could relate. And I could relate, my fears were huge like Moses.' We talked about how God still accomplished His purpose and used Aaron to help Moses. We finished the story and then were singing, she stopped me, and said, "MOM, Moses said NO to God!" "I know baby." was my response. God still accomplished His purpose, and Moses was a big part of that but He used someone else too. God's heart is for rescuing these orphans. For giving them homes with families that love them, and this time we did not say "no" to God, we said "yes" and it has been AMAZING to see God work! A blessing to be just a small part in this masterpiece that He is working and was working long before we said "yes!" 

It is time for 31 Days Of....

It is that time of year again... the 31 days of! There is this thing over at the blog The Nester where you blog on a topic for 31 days. That is right, every day you write. And, last year I wrote 31 days of "Things I have Learned from my Children." I loved it. I learned during that month and over the past year, that I do like some discipline in my life. The accountability of actually sitting down and writing because I said I would do it, even if no one is actually reading is good for me. Because as a mom, with days that go on, laundry that is always being done, and put away and needs to be done again, it seems no one really notices if I actually accomplished something in that day. Yes, moms accomplish lots in that day, but sometimes it is hard to tell even when you are the mom accomplishing it all, and looking behind you to see, it does not really look any different. Well, writing is different. It is there, an accomplishment, a goal that can be seen and that is why I am writing again this month. Not because I really have time to fit one more thing in my day, but because I have find time to fit this in.

One year ago, we had just moved to a new town, starting a new job and we were starting to get back into the normal of life. I never imagined that a year later we would be here in the middle of one of the biggest steps of faith we had ever taken, and so completely sure of it being where we were meant to be. This thing has taken over quite a bit of my life... this thing called adoption. SO, this month, October, will be thirty one days of Adoption! My hope is to cover some of it, probably not all. Some of the bumps of the journey, some of the fears, some of the things that I have learned and where our family is at on the journey. BUT I also hope to talk about some other families adopting, my world has gotten a whole lot bigger with this journey, and we know so many people walking this journey with us! AND, I want to talk about the kids, some of those who are waiting. There are thousands, and my prayer is maybe God, will work in some hearts to move maybe even just one family to take a step of faith. And I want to give faces to people to pray. These children are not known and not prayed for, they are often alone and hungry, and I know that God can meet them exactly where they are at, so I am hoping I can share some pictures at least some stories of children who need someone to pray for them. AND finally some of it will just be the practical stuff of adoption, grants to apply for, fundraising hiccups, talking to family, etc. I think I probably could write for one hundred and thirty one days on Adoption. I would love if you would join me, and read along for 31 Days of Adoption!

Day 1: Introduction to 31 Days
Day 2: So Far the Scariest Part for Me...
Day 3: The Hardest Part...is the Waiting
Day 4: Fundraising and Adoption
Day 5: My Favorite Blogs on Adoption
Day 6: A Little Bit More of a Fundraiser
Day 7: A Few of the Differences
Day 8: We Got It!!!
Day 9: Adoption Grants

A bit of a repeat that came with a Warning-- this post is still a little Sappy!

This time of year I am full of thankfulness. I love fall and cooler weather, although it is taking longer to get here in Arkansas, than back in Wisconsin. But I also get to celebrate two of my favorite people. Monday was Anya's birthday and today, Nathan! Eleven years ago, we came home from the hospital, on his birthday. It was my present to him, his first baby girl, and I have never been able to top it.

Each year though, I have fallen more in love with this man! He is amazing and funny and smart! Last year I wrote a post that described my love for him so well, that I am going to repost it, but add on one more "I Love" for the one more year of life I have had with him!

This year has been crazy and life even crazier, but there is no one I would rather spend my crazy life with than you, Nathan Jacobs!

So here is my post from last year... (it still applies, even more)

Sometimes I hold my breath, trying to change the rhythm. Breathing on cue; I panic because suddenly, it does not work like it is supposed to. I feel like I am drowning and I can not breathe. Or, I stop blinking and then try to start and it is hard to see because every blink is an effort, and I wonder maybe this is what my life will be like forever, the effort of breathing and blinking. But then in the middle of all my work I realize I am doing it on my own again. This is not a habit or something I learned. It is part of who I am. I am alive; breathing, blinking alive. And somehow or time or where that is what happened to my heart, with you.

If I tried to stop loving you, to start a different rhythm, I would feel like I was going to die. Because my heart is not in the habit of loving you. My love for you has become a part of who I am. My love for you is just like breathing and blinking, it is part my living. The kind of love that when things go wrong, I start to panic, because my heart is off. I work to make it right, I try to make my heart beat right. But then, I realize in the midst that my heart is right back to where it is supposed to be. It knows you so completely, the rhythm of you.

And, today we are celebrating YOU, my love. Your day! Today I get to celebrate what an amazing man I love with all my heart.

In honor of 35 36 years of life, here are thirty six things I love about you!

I LOVE
1.That for twenty one days you officially get to be one year older than me.

I LOVE
2. Your laugh

I LOVE
3. Your smile

AND I LOVE....
4. That you always put our family first.
5. You care about the hearts of our children
6. Your eyes
7. That you can make up something to eat in the kitchen from WHATEVER is available...
8. and that you always let the kids help
9. That you work hard
10. Watching you paint
11. Watching you hold our children for the first time.
12. Watching you hold our children as they have grown.
13. Going for walks with you
14. Going on adventures with you
15. When you make up stories
16. That you always stop for people on the side of the road
17. You do not get mad when I call you just because I need to
18. That you hate to fight as much as I do
19. That you support most of my crazy plans
20. That you go camping with me even though you hate it...
21. That when I realize camping is not as much fun as an adult and whine a lot you still go camping with me again in case it is going to get better.
22. What you believe
23. Your passion for what you believe
24. That you have full faith in me in crisis situations, most husbands might run to the rescue when their wife is lost in the dark and rain, but you with full confidence just ask me to call when I am safe:)
25. Holding your hand
26. Seeing you live your dreams
27. Sharing our dreams with each other
28. That you cry when you think about our kids growing  up
29. Laughing with you
30. Kissing you
31. That I can trust you completely.
32. Playing Ticket to Ride with you....
33. That you understand that I cry when I lose at Ticket to Ride or any game for that matter
34. Your faith
35. That my love for you is part of who I am
36. That our hearts break for the very same thing.