Sunday, May 6, 2012

More than I bargained for....

We had waited for so long for this. We waited and wondered how long we would have to wait, and THEN we got a job. AND we were thankful. So thankful for all the blessings of a job and a fresh start and finding our inner small town. We were even blessed to find out that Siloam Springs, AR is on the list of top 20 small towns in the country. BUT as we prepare for this new adventure I have found that moving and owning a house and being all grown up is a bit more than I had bargained for. My amazing husband has decided to do EVERY task we have not done over the past three years in one month to make our house market ready. And I admire him for his  hard work. But I worry that it is all for not. That this house won't sell, that we will be unable to move, that we will be stuck. I worry that God wont hear THIS part of the prayer. And today was about the breaking point. Everything that could possibly go wrong with fixing up did. He just could not go any more. And there are still four kids to take care of and mouths to feed and activities to get to. There are still dishes to be done, homeschooling to think about, work for me.

And all I can think, is that this is WAY more than I bargained for. I thought once we got to having a job, everything would fall into place, but it hasn't and right now, today it is hard to see where the end will be. I had one of my "I Hate the Color Blue" moments. I wrote about it last year. It is when all the things I want in life to be OK are not and then everything starts to go wrong. Like if someone actually built a counter top into a wall?and said counter top needed to be removed so it needs to be split apart by sheer force which may or may not involve taking some of the wall off?!?! and then I spilled an ENTIRE bottle of grape juice all over the floor? and THEN after my husband repainted/caulked fixed stuff outside a TORRENTIAL rain comes plowing through? and kids have to be at a birthday party and husband is ready to pass out and thinks he is dying (sometimes a bit of a hypochondriac) And bread needs making for tomorrow, the house is trashed and I work tomorrow and have a meeting which means sick husband has to take care of kids and a messy house, I need to clean the house....tuck in kids, and somewhere in it I decided to TRY and help which usually means disaster and instead of using a paint scraper to take off paint on the sink, I took skin off my wrist and we don't have running water because we are putting in a sink so baby wipes and Neosporin will have to do. AND just to end it all the brand new counter top/faucet leaks. They worked for 10 hours straight and it just did not work out, and everything seemed to fall apart. And for now I am also going to "Hate the color blue."

 I am going to write a rant, and then wake up tomorrow thankful for all I have to rant and complain about, for a house to fix up, for kids to feed and a husband who loves me enough to do all this. But today it is WAY more than I bargained for.

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